A Revelation....

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by Matthew West
Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on
Shine for Me

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

(Chorus)
Than the sun
and the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you, yesterday and today
Through the joy and the pain
I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me


I have so many things that I want/ need to express about my weekend at camp, but I'll start with this because it is important....

So often, we hear "God Loves You" or other sentiments of similarity and I know my reaction is "Yes, and your point is..." Until, this weekend when it finally hit me... God Loves ME...Stacey Atkins, individually and personally. I knew God loved me in the whole creator of the universe, creator loves his creation type ways, but one thing I have always struggled with, and I know I've shared this with others before, but I always have struggled with the concept of God loves us, his children, as a father.

I was standing in Chapel at camp and I was just worshipping and then whoever was on stage at the time started to pray, I am not even sure what about but it just hit me then and there. I am a daughter of the most high God, who cares for me.

I don't even need to explain how bad this last year was for me, Grandma, the one member of my family who I could always count on died, and suddenly I, for the first time in my life, felt absolutely, totally, and completely helpless. There was nothing I could do to change the situation and I realized rather quickly that I was going to have to rely on God for everything... A really hard concept for me to grasp, because I am disturbingly stubborn and prideful that I can take care of myself...but I can't do everything and I realize that now.

I know I have told people that even when I was facing homelessness and the whole world seemed to be going crazy that I wasn't worried about it. And that is true, I had total peace the entire time I was looking for places, and even when I didn't have anywhere lined up with two days until I had to move out, I knew it was going to be okay. And it was... I lived with my cousins for a couple weeks and now live with people who have been like my family for years. Which is totally a God thing, because it wouldn't have been possible for me to live with them without major changes happening in their lives as well.

I left the church that I grew up in for reasons that I will now admit were stupid, even when I knew it wasn't what I wasn't supposed to do, and went to another church for awhile, a good church, but not where I was supposed to be. I let my pride and my dependence on other people stand in the way of the path that the Lord had for my life, and I am so grateful that He has given me the opportunity to go back and try again....


So, back to the chapel... I am in the chapel just worshipping and then someone just starts praying for me and God says (yes in a small whisper) "You are where you are for a reason, you are at this camp for a reason, you are helping out with the youth for a reason (even when I swore I would never ever work with youth again)and here is just a part of that reason..." All of a sudden I just knew that I was God's child and he was taking care of me.
It was like all of the times when I was questioning God's hand in my life flashed before my eyes (but not in a creepy I'm about to die way)and I could suddenly see how even when I was walking way off the path, God was directing me back, by placing people and events in my life...

I have a lot more to blog about for this camp, but I am supposed to be writing a paper on the Russian Revolutions of 1917,and I just stopped cause I needed to get this out because I am distracted by my excitement....

Lyrics and such...

My heart has grown so cold
I've let the darkness in
I've said You are everything
But still You weren't enough
I've not been true to You
My life has hurt you, Lord
I'm running back into the safety of Your hand
I wanna be free in Jesus
I wanna be satisfied in You and You alone
Take this heart
Take my life
Pull me close
Satisfy
My heart has heard Your call
But I have closed my ears
I've said I would follow You
But still I've chased the wind
I've stretched my hand toward You
While holding to this world
But now I'm letting go
And reaching out to You
I wanna be free, Jesus
I wanna be satisfied in You and You alone
Take this heart
Take my life
Pull me close
I want to be free, Jesus
I want to be satisfied in You and You alone
Take this heart
Take my life
Hold me close
Satisfy
I wanna be free (7x)
(Chorus 2x)
I'm letting go
I'm letting go, Jesus
Cause I wanna be free



Really good Lyrics to a Jeff Deyo Song.....

Update and prayer requests

Since Stacee says I never update...

I have been trying to pack up stuff, but the fact of the matter is that I have too much stuff!
I have to move out of my house by January 15th, for those who read this that don't know me in RL I was living with my grandmother and she died on Nov 30th so they are selling her house so I hafta move. I also live in southern cali and housing prices are riddikulus! So please pray that I find someplace to live....

I had a job interview yesterday, I think it went good. I would really love to get this job. So please also Pray that I do because it is perfect for me and my current situation. I need another job but cannot give up school and I reallyreallyreally love my current job, so I don't want to quit there either.

I need to have a massive yard sale of doom but in order to do that I have to finish cleaning out the house. I am also in the middle of finals which is the only reason I am updating, because I am procrastinating... Once things settle down, I should be updating more frequently!

Convention!

I am going to convention! Kazaa!

Posties

I am at work right now.

I love post-its.

We are having a class visit today, I am glad I don't start until 2

At Last...

An update!

The Compy is still not working! Which is lame...

But I don't have any papers due til after Thanksgiving! Praise be to God!

I am still not sleeping much, but that is more due to the fact that I am getting used to little sleep than actual stress at this point I think. Now if I could make it through my 3rd class everyday without wanting to take a nap, I would call that progress!

I need to develop a sugar free recipe for Pumpkin Pie. I think it should be fairly simple, because the pie itself isn't so sugary, I just need to worry about the carb levels in the crust. But now that grandma isn't the only diabetic at the Holiday table, I shall have to increase my endeavors. (My cousin Bill was just diagnosed with Diabetes)

I am facing a lot of... I don't want to say issues, but for lack of a better word... spiritually right now. I am not really struggling with sin (at least any more than usual) but I am facing a forked path and as Galadriel says in Lord of the Rings... ""The quest stands on the edge of a knife; stray but a little and it will fail to the ruin of all..." I don't really know how to express that sentiment in my own words so y'all get a LOTR quote. But I can say that any prayers especially for direction are appreciated.

I am looking forward to Captivating Bible Study tonight! It is always good to gather in fellowship with other believers.

I have a cute new hairdo! I didn't get it cut or anything (it isn't in the budget, but if anyone wants to cut it for me I am willing to be a guinea pig) But I am doing it in a cute (at least to me) twisty updo thing. It keeps it out of my face and makes me happy.

I am at school right now, and I have to just reiterate how much I love school! I was sad that Monday was a holiday, I am kind of sad that Thurs next week is one too, but my love for the Thanksgiving holiday will overcome that sadness.

Papers coming up...

History 120: Comparison papaer between Mongols under Ghengis (Chinggis) Khan and Greece under Alexander the Great

History 300: Final paper! Historiography about the representation of race, culture, and imperialism at the world's fairs 1851-1945

Books to read:
Dragon's Village (for 121)
How We Survived Communism and Even Laughed (315)
The Mascot (for fun)

Well, I am going to go looking for inexpensive Christmas Craft Ideas!

Compy Update and More..

I got a call from Best Buy on Thursday saying that my laptop was fixed. Hooray! But sadly, they lied. It isn't fixed, they had to send it back again. The nice man said he'd put a rush on it for me, but I am frustrated with the situation.

I am having a difficult time with a couple of my papers that are due this week. I am at the same time not as stressed and more stressed than I was with the paper I posted about before.

I have more time left with these ones though. I hope to finish writing at least one of them tomorrow.

I am also in need of prayer, there is a lot of stuff going on in life right now and I am overwhelmed. Nothing drastically horrible, but its causing me t lose sleep, and with as little as I get, I need it all.