And the riddikulus list of resolutions begins....

So, Here it is...

My list of New Years Resolutions. There are quite a few, but If I can get even one of these to stick I'll be better off for it.

Grouped by Category.

@ the Throne
I am joining up with anyone else who wants to do the 2 verses a Month Memorization challenge Cassi posted on her blog. I know the basics, but need to plant God's word more firmly into my heart. I like the fact that you get to pick which verse you are going to memorize.

I am also committing to spending more time just BEING in the Lord's presence. I have confessed that the just sitting there part of this is difficult for me, but I have learned over the last few months how important this is. And I need to get to the point where I can not be so antsy when I try to just be.

@ Home
I need to keep my spaces more clean and organized. I have found that disorganization leads to me being cranky and doesn't ease my stress levels at all. This includes my car. I don't think I am going to make it to the By New Year's Day deadline I set for getting it clean, but I am making major progress.

@ School
I need to finish my grad school apps.

I also need to finish my paper in a timely manner.

I need to complete my hours for Dr. Talamante.

I need to get my paperwork straightened out so I can register for classes.

@ Work
I think work is pretty good. I need to be able to come up with some cool crafts this year.

@ Church
I need to continue to build relationships with my teenagers. I love them, but sometimes I feel out of my league when it comes to relating to them.

@ Myself
I am going to work on losing at least 20 pounds this year. More would be amazing, but I could be happy with 20.

I need to be more social. I may not like it, but I guess it needs to be done.

I was recently told by a good friend that in order to love others as I love myself, I should love myself more. I don't not love myself, but am always more comfortable putting everyone first, sometimes this leads me to do things that bring me harm. I am going to try to assert my needs more. I do not want to end up as a spoiled brat, but there are times, when I just need to put myself first. (I sound so freaking spoiled just writing this)

I have jokingly mentioned training for a 5k walk. I would have to work on being able to do this without killing myself, but it is a concrete way to add one of the few excercises I am allowed to do into my daily routine.

pre new years resolutions

I have 2

to get my room cleaned and

to clean out my car

if you've seen either you know it needs done

My post new years resolutions will be posted soon

Monster Cheese and Onions

SO today I went to work, where we suffered through yet another day of no heat. But I still had a little bit of fun, even though we were all Chilly Willy status.

After that I went to Sarah's house. Then we went to the British store where I bought Lemon Curd for my amazing moonbeam cookies, and my favorite Chocolate buttons. I love the chocolate buttons.

After that we went to Jo Ann's where we bought felt to make our own versions of ugly dolls, I made a not so ugly yeti that is almost done. As soon as he is I will post a picture.

Then I went to the store where I shopped like a relatively healthy thinking person by avoiding the center aisles and shopping around the outside of the store, and I bought ingredients for three yummy meals. Now All I have to do is decide which one I feel like making tonight.

My options are Spaghetti with Italian Sausage
French Onion Soup with yummy Muenster Cheese and Bread and Salad
or Salad and a grilled ham and cheese sandwich

The last option is fastest but the first one sounds amazing
whatever I dont do tonight between the sapghetti and the soup I will do tomorrow. Oh well, off to figure out dinner...

I know it's been said many times, many ways...

Merry Christmas to you!

My holiday has been basically amazing. I will be sure to post more later.

Oh and if you go see Marley and Me, bring some tissues...

WoooHooooo!

I got my grades. This was by far the worst semester I have ever had. Last fall was pretty sucky, but at least I didn't feel bad for the entire semester. But this semester I did. However, I got an A in my Humanities: War and the Human Experience class. I got a B- in my US Since 1945 class. That is sooo exciting. I was seriously worried for a while that I was not going to pass this class. But I not only passed, I passed with a B-!!!! So Exciting. (well, not ordinarily, but this semester, I'll take it! ;) )

Next Semester I will have two History Classes, Film as History & Terror and Totalitarianism. I really like both professors and it will be a nice last semester. I also have two GE classes to take that I would rather not, but oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Happy Christmas Eve!

What's This

Listening to Christmas Music, Cooking some yummy lasagne for dinner, Decorating the tree, wrapping gifts, I think I may have just gotten in the holiday spirit... :) Finally!

I did however, not only brave the insanity that was Target this evening, but I walked the whole time. No magical electric cart for me today. (I usually grab one it makes it easier for me to shop without killing my back) I was originally upset, but I figured that I could do it, and that I would just sit down in the middle of an aisle if I needed to. But I made it. I probably shopped for about 40 minutes and then I was so done.

What is not a win, however is that they were sold out of the amazing 15 dollar crock pots, which is what I was after. Oh well, I got some fun stuff anyhow.


This year I have been attracted to the song O Come O come Emmanuel. It satrs out powerfully with the line about:
O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.

And continues with amazingness such as:
O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

Tonight I was listening to the song and I do believe it was the first time I had actually heard the part about putting death's shadows to flight.
All I could think was WOW! That is so so powerful. I love my Jesus. He came:
To Ransom Captive Israel (and everyone else)
To Teach us the poaths of Wisdom
To Save Us from Hell and Give Us victory over the grave.
To put the shadows of death to flight.
To open wide our heavenly home;
To Make safe the way that leads on high,

And to be and do so much for us, it is the complete opposite of a wordly ruler who rules so that others may serve him...

The last stanza just hits me as appropriate for the day:
O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.

Amen!


Thats it for today!

Today

Today I am waiting for grades.

I am also watching Get Smart and Tropic Thunder.

I am doing Laundry.

I am cleaning up the house, including my room.

I am decorating the tree.

All in all I am enjoying the solitude.

I feel very responsible but at the same time am enjoying the fact that I am still in my pajamas. at 2:30 in the afternoon... Bliss I tell you, sheer bliss...

Identity Revealed

So...

I've been contemplating sharing what exactly my lion is for a while and I was waiting to tell one more person in person before I do, but I will write this out now and hope I get a chance to tell that someone myself.

I have always felt called to adoption. Always. Even before I contemplated the fact that I don't want to give any one, especially my child, my genetic makeup. I always have known that I am willing and able to love children I did not give birth to as my own.

So, while this has always been a far away plan, it has now become my lion.

I didn't think of it as such until I was trying to convince someone that I didn't have a lion to chase, and I kid you not, I had the whole inaudible voice of God telling me yes you do. And then the person I was talking to, who I had already shared my plans with, said yes you do right at the same time. I literally had to pause the conversation I was having with my friend and stop and I realized that while I was actively making plans to change my lifestyle in accordance with my plan to adopt, I hadn't considered it a lion to chase. (If you are confused about the lion talk, I highly recommend Mark Batterson's book, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day)

So, I am going to be making some decisions based solely on the outcome of how will this action affect my future children. I am trying to learn and grow in the ways I need to to become a good mom. I am going to work on developing the spiritual attributes that will serve me well as a mom. I am making decisions about my life and stuff like education and finances all with the intent of adopting.

I know there are some people who will think I am absolutely ludicrous to contemplate adopting kids as a single woman. I know even more people who still mentally consider me many years younger than I am. My only response is that I believe this is to be a large part of my calling. I do want to get married one day, and I believe that will happen. But I am also in full faith that any man who truly loves God and Me will also love my children. I am also rapidly approaching the age of 30, while I do not believe that this is old in any way shape or form, I do believe that regardless of other peoples' opinions, I am old enough and mature enough to make these kinds of decisions for myself.

I am not going to pretend I am headed out on an easy path of daisies and sunshine, I know that this is going to be difficult in many different ways. But I truly believe it is going to be worth it. And I have total peace about the situation.

So, I am honestly interested in peoples' respoines but at the same time, do be courteous and remeber that I have feelings.

Oh Christmas Tree!

Christmas 08 by otterpop73


If I had one... I'd want it to look like this!

:)

In a Pit...

So I now have this amazing ring. I have never really been a jewelry person, but I needed something concrete to remind me of the lion I am chasing.

Our church recently went throught the book In a Pit With a Lion On a Snowy Day by MArk Batterson. And now our 20-somethings girls group is doing the accompanying study called Chasing the Lion.

I just recently discovered the identity of my lion and it is going to be a long chase so this ring is to remind me when the hunt grows long, of what I am chasing after.

I am so excited for when I can take pride in having captured my lion.

A Dad Shaped Hole

So, nine years ago today, my father died.

And I almost forgot.

This kind of makes me feel like a bad person.

It also makes me incredibly sad. I always know on the days when my mother and grandmother died, but I almost forgot this day.

I know that there are very few people with whom I have shared the facts of my childhood with, and for those who don't know. My childhood sucked. Especially the part of it where I lived with my dad and step-mother. Things happened that should never happen to a child, especially when those things are done to the child by the very person who is supposed to guard that child from harm.

It took me a very long time to forgive him for the things that he allowed to happened, but eventually, with the help of Jesus, I was able to.

I am grateful that the last thing I ever told him was that I loved him.

I got distracted form where exactly I was going with this because Susanna just came home and turned on Iron Chef America. It is battle cranberry, I LOVE cranberries.

Oh... Back to the story of my father.

Recently I began to interact with one of my three half sisters. My father's children from his first marriage. We have discussed how he wasn't a bad person, he just didn't really know how to be a father. In some ways this is comforting because it means that some of the issues I encountered with him as a child weren't because I was a bad kid, which is something. I always thought if I had been a better kid, that he would've loved me more or things would've been different. In many ways it is healing to know that it wasn't my fault.

I often hear that the way in which you relate to your earthly father is how you will relate to God. I am so very thankful that that is not neccesarily true. I have struggled with accepting God as a father figure because of my relationship with my dad, but at the same time, I now know that God is my father because those longings for a father have been filled by him. He has touched my life and filled the holes in my heart. He has placed people in my life to fill the critical voids left by the absence of my dad.

I know what a true father God is because I know what it feels like to have that part of your life be missing.

I will always wish that my life had turned out differently and that I could've had the ideal real life father daughter relationship I envy in so many of my friends lives, but the lessons I have learned about the nature of God because of how my life has been are invaluable as well.

Tags!

1) Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? I like both, but Hot Chocolate wins because DUH it has chocolate in it.

2) Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Ummm... The presents under the tree are wrapped....

3) Colored lights or white? Both! I love the big colored bulbs and little white ones

4) Do you hang mistletoe? not yet! ;)

5) When do you get out your decorations? If I lived on my own they would be up Thanksgiving Night

6) Favorite holiday dish, excluding dessert? Ham and Cheesy Potatoes!

7) Favorite holiday memory as a child? Possibly the time grandma spent the night before Christmas at our house. She never came to our house, we always went to hers.

8) When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I believe in him still...

9) Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? yep, it used to always be PJs but then I got to start picking which one.

10) How do you decorate your trees? I buy an ornament everyyear and put them all up on my tree.

11) Snow, love it or hate it? love it if I am inside!

12) Can you ice skate? Nope!

13) Do you remember your favorite gift? indeed. A cow candle with bright pink lips from my mom when I was about 11.

14) What is the most important thing about the holidays for you? Jesus <3 Amen!

15) Favorite Holiday dessert? Collette's Peanut Butter Marshmallow things..YUM!

16) Favorite Christmas tradition? Going to see lights

17) What tops your tree? If I had one it would be a moravian star.

18) What's better giving or receiving? giving

19) Favorite Christmas song? Oh Holy Night or What Child is This?

20) Candy Canes, yummy or yucky? tasty

21) What do you want for Christmas? What I want I can't have yet, but one day... Oh but I am getting Tropic Thunder from a certain friendly person. :)

22) Do you attend an annual Christmas Party? several LOL!

23) Do you dress up for Christmas eve? I dress warm but with a nice shirt.

24) Do you own a Santa Hat? yes, with pluto ears on it somewhere.

25) Who do you normally spend Christmas with? I dunno anymore. Prolly myself. I do Christmas Eve at my Cousins.

I don't know who has or hasn't been tagged so... Alexis, Hattie, Shanna, Cnadice, and Cassandra... WHy Not?

Cryptic Request

For a good portion of the past week, I have been struggling with writing this post. But I have finally decided that one way in which I could solicit the prayer I so desperately need without being super vulnerable is to do what Denise calls, "my cryptic thing."

Over the past few weeks, my world view has changed significantly. Things that once were important to me no longer are and I have had several things happen that have made me reflect on the path of my life.

I am going to be making some hardcore decisions over the next few months and need prayer that I make the right ones. That what I want is what God wants and that I not be confused or decieved into thinking that wrong is right. I especially need wisdom. I need to grow in so many ways, not just spiritually, but emotionally and in understanding as well. Please pray for God to speak into my heart and that I may hear Him when He does.

I am sorry to be cryptic, but I am just not ready to share this with anyone.

I love you all!

Let all within us praise His holy name

Well, I have had one of those days where you range from one extreme to another.

This morning I woke up even though I really wanted to stay in bed. I went and taught Sunday school. Until this point it was a pretty average day.

Then it was time for church. One of my favorite things about Sunday morning service is worship. I love being able to praise my Jesus in the midst of a crowd of others worshipping too. I love worshipping on my own too, but I find that there is something unique about corporate worship and I love it.

As it is the first Sunday in December I was expecting a Christmas song.
I was not expecting Oh Holy Night. Which is one of my favorite Christmas songs ever, if not my total favorite. Even more surprising was the inclusion of the often neglected second verse. (I've bolded the parts that I especially appreciate)

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! O, hear the angels' voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born;
O night divine, O night, O night Divine.
Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here come the wise men from Orient land.
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King, Behold your King.
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.


Then Pastor John shared about Abraham and Isaac and the call to sacrifice Isaac. I have never heard it put in such terms but today Pastor John said the God called Abraham to "sacrifice his laughter" For some reason this made me ponder the story/situation in a new light.


After church there were some emotional lows and I almost let myself drag myself into a state of emotasticness by allowing all the craziness around me to get to me. But I decided to shake it off and went and had a yummy lunch with my good friends including Brian and Becca who I miss a lot, and can't wait for everyone's finals to be over so it can be winter break.

Then I went to church and helped with the Christmas Movie Party. I think it was fun and amazing. One little girl kept hugging me, and although I don't know her, I think her mom knows people from the church. She was absolutely adorable though. My No touching of the Stacey rule really doesn't apply to most people I know, I think I am becoming more comfortable with hugs, because I didn't freak out that a strange child came and hurtled herself around my neck. The little girl made me ponder some things, but those things are best left internal for a bit. I think.

After a while I was getting cold and Nicky needed a break from her game so Jason took over for her and Nicky took over my game which was the lollipop tree game. So I went and sat by the sound equipment and waited for the movie. Then Nate was playing a slideshow from convention and a horrific picture of me comes on the screen and I was like Nate, Don't use funky pictures of me and he just laughed at me, and then some boy who I don't know was standing there watching the screen and was like hey that is that Girl right there pretty loudly. WHich made me groan and Nate laugh even more. Thankfully it was busy enough that I don't think anyone heard him. I hope.

Then Denise and I went out and discussed general shenanigans and some interesting plans for the new year. Which I will hopefully be unveiling to my adoring public (LOL That's You Guys!) on December 31st, just a few short days away.

So the day went from average to amazing, to ponderable, to horrible to good and fun. It felt very yoyo ish. In the midst of it all I am fighting off Asthma-y issues. I don't think I am sick sick, but my lungs are wheezy and I've been coughing. and my eyes and nose have been allergyish. It may be because I let Maggie sleep in my bed the other day, ignoring the fact that I am allergic to dogs and cats. They (the allergies) aren't usually this annoying though.

Tomorrow I have a presentation on the Monument to the Historic Defenders of Leningrad in my humanities class. I get to use photos and experience from my trip. But I need to get the powerpoint done and write the paper. I am looking forward to this though. I LOVE Russia!

Something is missing...

There are days when my wisdom is lacking. Today was one of those days.

Today I went to work. I love my work but have decided that it is difficult to answer the phone with no voice. Because...Oh yeah, my voice is basically gone too.

There are other things missing but even thinking about those brings up tears, because my tough exterior is not missing, but is definitely weakened today.

What isn't missing? Tears, laughs, good friends, yummy cookies and general hilarity and shenanigans. Oh.. And God, but He's never absent is He?

Yay for Librarians!

Today was the regional library holiday breakfast. I had a lot of fun. I might actually go again next year.

It is official. I am going to tke the incomplete. And try not to feel so loserish about it.

Today I am in pain. A Lot. And I wish it would go away.

And I am in need of some sleep.
BUT...
I don't have to be anywhere until 2 tomorrow, Hooray!!! So I can sleep in!

The New Librarian Movie come out on Sunday at 8 on TNT. I am excited for cheesy made-for-TV movies about librarian adventure heroes!

to do

I am either fighting off an allergy attack or the beginnings of a cold. I hope it is allergies!

Tomorrow morning is the West Region Library Holiday Breakfast. It should be interesting at least. Then there is school and more school.

Friday I have work and I need to work on my projects for class.

Saturday is work and doing stuff at church for the "Block Party" I think it is going to be a lot of fun and can't wait.

I also need to purchase at some point the sweatshirt and gift for the Rancho Santa Margarita kid.

Right Now I am exhausted and sleeping will make me feel better... So Goodnight!

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

Last night I went to see The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. It is the story of a boy whose father is a soldier for the Nazi regime and he moves his family out to one of the concentration camps. Without ruining the story I can tell you that it looks at children's perceptions of the war, that David Thewlis is in it, and while he is the boys Nazi father, I do not hate him, so I think he did well with the role. Stacee Lianna went to go see it with me, and I warned her that it is a crying movie, and that it is indeed.

It really makes you think about how Germany had to portray their dehumanization of the Jews and how not all Germans agreed with Hitler's ideologies.

While I think there were some ways in which it could have been done differently, I do feel the film was sucessful in its portrayal.

I am very happy with the final shot, and if they had changed that shot it would've detracted from the story greatly.

Yesterday

It marked one year since grandma died. A lot of life has happened in that year. A lot of growing and changing and some amazing things. But I still miss my grandma. I did really well yesterday, I wasn't all broody or emo or anything.

But today I went Christmas shopping, and for the second year in a row, I just am not as into the holidays as I used to be. I dunno why exactly, but I am not. I am excited for the semester to be over, and for the cooler weather, but all of the things that make Christmas what it is just don't hold as much value as they used to.

I still like Christmas though! I didn't turn into a Scrooge, I just am not as ELF status as I used to be.

Sorry for the emo-ness, 30 percent of it is hormones I assure you. I am going to go see a crying movie and in a day or two should be back to my usual self.

Convention

Convention was pretty good. It was definitely not conventional in any way. I don't know if the effects of the weekend will be visible immediately, but I am excited to get to see how God uses this weekend in the lives of our youth. A more thourough recap may follow, if I decide to do it, right now I'm just too tired.

This Weekend

I am going to ask all of you for a favor. I would like you to pray for our youth this weekend. I would love it if you prayed for them daily, but I especially want to ask for prayers for this weekend.

And I'd like you to pray for them by name. As of right now, the following people are going: Susanna, Jessica, Katie, Lizzy, Selena, Kasey, Myself, Travis, Chris, Kenny, and Nate.

Convention is always a lot of fun, but if we just go to have fun, then we are missing so much.

For the girls, I would love for you to pray that they hear from God this weekend, that they are shown their worth as princesses, as daughters of the King of Kings, that their lives are changed forever, that they would have a new understanding of their creator.

For the boys, please pray for them to have the ears of Samuel, for them to embrace their lives as princes of the kingdom, that they get a sense of the great love God has for them as individuals, and for them to never be the same again.

For the adults going (Nate, myself, Kasey, Chris, and Lizzy) Pray that we remember that we are examples, that God would reveal himself to us in new ways, help us be there for the younger people going, and to give us wisdom.

Please pray for traveling mercies for all of the people going to convention.


I pray that you would see the fruits of your prayers in changed people returning from convention.

Have an amazing weekend! I'll miss you all!

Tis A Gift...

Thanksgiving 08 by otterpop73


As I was pondering my thankfulness this morning, I was overwhelmed by a desire to express my thankfulness for everything. I don't believe mere words can express how thankful I am for each one of you in my life.
Know this. "I thank my God every time I remember you." Phil. 1:3

But enjoy the images of THINGS for which I am thankful and have a great Thanksgiving!

Challenged

Today worship was awesome. I got so much out of it and it was just a time of total relationship with God. I don't really know how or necessarily feel compelled to share all of the amazingness that it was, I will share one area in which I feel challenged in hopes that my companions can help me be accountable.

While I am not exactly a potty mouth, there are times when I use words that would've gotten other people's mouths rinsed out with soap. And today I was challenged to stop. During worship, while we were singing "Your praise is always on my lips..." I heard the Lord say to me..."Really? What about those times when you are cussing? How is that praising me?" So, I have decided that my language needs to improve. So that my lips can be constantly filled with praise for the Lord. So, while I don't usually curse in front of most of you, the occaissional accountability question would not be amiss.

Just know that today was one of those amazing God days for me. I hope it was one for you as well.

Christmas has kind of finally begun...

Last Night. It was amazing.

Except for this one guy who was the narrator. I could have lived without that. It was so bad Denise and I were sarcastically texting each other through the whole thing. They also killed one of my favorite songs which is a million times better on the cd. But they played all of my favorites and even played one of them twice.

There were lasers and fire, and I am a little afraid of what ideas Nate might have gotten for the youth room.

Afterwards we went to Sonic. I finally tried the Chili Cheese Tots that I have heard so much about, they were pretty good but needed onions and mustard to be perfect. Denise got this yummy fruit drink that was pretty good. Nate got some blue beverage which if I had known it was blue I probably would've gotten too. I LOVE blue beverages!!!

I had a really good time.

Mad Russian?

I am super excited, for tonight I get to go see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra with 2 really good friends. I LOVE the TSO and I am soooooooo excited. I just posted a youtube of their music with the fun Christmas lights displays that people like to do.

This will be my first Christmassy activity of the year and it makes me happy!


I shall give a report on its greatness sometime this weekend I am sure!

Christmas Lights - TSO - Christmas Eve in Sarajevo - 2007

Why post this? You shall soon see!

A Thought

When you trust people, you get hurt. But is life really worth living if there's no one you can trust?

life

I have had an interesting but basically okay last few days.

I worked two full days from open to close (yay I have 2 days off in a row!)

We got 2 new librarians and both of them seem nice.


I've had some interesting discussions with God lately.

I really can't waith for the third Librarian movie.

I need to get up super early so I should go to sleep soon, I am just finishing up some more stuff for church tomorrow.

I am glad that life is pretty mundane for now, I could use a break from all the excitement.

It is Finished...Well Sorta...

Thank God that's over!

I need to work on finishing up my paper, but I did get at least a rough (very rough) draft in. It was 8 pages short and not my best work. I realized when I got to school this morning that I didn't have a thesis, and that is why I couldn't figure out what to write. I have some ideas for how to improve my paper, but I ABSOLUTELY refuse to even think about school until Monday.

I got to go to Disneyland on Tuesday. I got my pass and made it through one ride and some yummy ice cream at California adventure before we went to Disneyland, when we got there it was decided that I needed a wheelchair. Susanna offered to push me around, and we were cracking up so much that I felt less like the loser I did feel like. I am torn between protecting my wounded pride and not wanting to miss out on stuff. I will probably wait until my back is behaving better before I go again, but I did get to go and I had so much fun.

I also got to purchase one of the new Tiki Room prints to go with my collection. So exciting!

I got a copy of the sequel to the Lion in a Pit book, and so far it is pretty good.

I work all day tomorrow and Saturday but Sunday and Monday are mine! I just need to figure out a day to work for Dr. Talamante, then its one more week and then I go to convention! YAY!

Wall

So I have literally hit a wall and I don't know what to do.

On sentence 3 of 18 pages with 8 hours left and I just don't know what to write. I have been working on this for 3 hours and have written exactly 3 sentences.

I am struggling right now with so many doubts its not funny, nor is it helful, so this is just a HUGE prayer request.

So, if you read this pray for me. Pray for my sanity, for me not to burst into tears when I get to class, for me to do ok on my Nixon/Watergate quiz that I haven't had time to study for and most of all for me to be able to get at least 15 pages done.

Thank You.

tHE bLoG jACKEr tAgS yoU!

So, I was tagged by Nicky and so here I go... You are supposed to tag seven others but I think everyone I know has been tagged.

Seven Secrets... *I think that is what this is... LOL

1. I was practically raised by a gay man. Well, not exactly, but he was a good friend of my mom and I and was there for us when we needed it. From the ages of 10-14, he was the male role model in my life. This may disturb some of you, but Robert had met Jesus and walked away from his homosexual lifestyle, but unfortunately not before he contracted HIV. He spoke encouraging things into my life, and made me see my self worth in spite of my weight or appearance at the age when most girls really start to struggle with deriving their identity from their looks. He died shortly after I turned 15, and I miss him to this day.

2. My father used to quote the Gettysburg Address instead of cussing when I was in earshot. This resulted in me being able to quote it by the age of eight. On the note of cussing, I dropped my first F-bomb in the fourth grade when someone paid me a dollar to say it.

3. My absolute favorite smell in the whole world is Christmas tree, I would carry a sprig with me at all times to smell it if it were practical. If the pine candles sold by Yankee candle actually smelled like real trees I would own massive quantities of them.

4. I have eaten more taco bell in the last 2 weeks, than in the previous four months combined. For some reason I have been craving Nachos supreme and bean burritos. I don't usually love the taco bell, but some serious cravings have occured lately.

5. I have written three things in this space, but have deleted them because they were too deep, too painful, and too revealing. I want to be seen as funny and insightful, not emotastic.

6. I wish I could be a pretty cupcake maker, a marine biologist, a wedding planner, a librarian, a historian, a teacher, a mother, and an award winning writer. But I'd settle for only doing a few of those...

7. I am truly glad this is the end, I am running out of things to write although it has provide a delightful break in my hardcore studying. But I want to go to Disneyland on Tuesday but can only go if I have finished 10 pages of my paper, so I have to write 8 pages tomorrow so I can go.... And I think I might have to get a wheelchair at DL because the standing and walking isn't working so well, but maybe if I am nice to my back tomorrow I can do it.

I tag... All of those who have been tagged but haven't done it yet, and any of the random people who check out my blog on occassion.

Photos from Oslo

Far away, long ago,things I yern to remember,and a song someone sings,Once upon a December

Well, with November having officially started, I feel I can now Officially look forward to December!

Oh the things I can look forward to:

Colder weather means more food to be eaten with a spoon! Soups, oatmeal, ect. It also means Hot tea and cocoa! And it means sweater weather!

Finishing the semester. I have not been so glad for a semester to end since I have started at DH. It also means that I will be done with my Senior Seminar paper.

Thanksgiving, which means yummy food and seeing Sarah.
Which then means CONVENTION!! I am really excited!
With Nov. 30th comes the end of me thinking that "this time last year grandma was still alive" and I think will be helpful in the ongoing grieving process. (in Nov, but still anticipation worthy)

The Festival of the trees! I do adore it, but didn't get to go last year in all the craziness.

All of the Christmas festivities I am looking forward to also. I didn't really get to do much with trying to find a place to live, and such last year, and then Christmas was such a downer anyhow... I know this year is going to be better, and because I LOVE Christmas, and since last year didn't really feel like Christmas, Its been like 2 years since I really felt like it was Christmas...

I am also looking forward to other things but these are the biggies...

Wanderlust Wishlist

okay so I have been up since about 4 and since I couldn't sleep I decided to work on homework. This was a horrible idea. Ordinarily it would be a good idea, seeing as I am so far behind, but, I am working on a presentation about the Siege of Leningrad Memorial in St Petersburg, and I have developed a serious case of wanderlust. I MUST go somewhere...anywhere... soon. I have just spent the time I should have been working on my project looking for a trip to somewhere. Preferably somewhere interesting and/or exotic. I should have been sleeping or homeworking or something... Instead I find myself wishing I had a hundred thousand dollars and siz months of free time in 2010. There is an AMAZING cruise that goise from Miami to London via Rio de Janero, S. Africa, Kenya, India, Dubai, Israel, Egypt, Greece, Italy and like a bazillion other places... Oh the places I want to go...

So, I have developed two new lists of places I wish to see.

International:
Budapest, Hungary
Istanbul, Turkey
Dubai, UAE (mostly to visit friends, but I've heard it is gorgeous!)
Rome and Venice
Athens
Auschwitz (the concentration camp)
Prague
"Dracula's" Castle in Romania
London
Paris
Warsaw
India
Australia
S. Africa (for the sharks)
Vietnam
Peru


Domestic
Monterey Bay Aquarium (I want to go soon, but I'd almost rather wait for them to have a white shark in residence. They just had one in August but she wasn't eating so they decided to release her)
Vietnam Memorial in DC
Smithsonian
Boston
Niagara Falls
Grand Canyon
Seattle
A whole bunch of places off of the food network... YUM!
New York (to see Dr. Atomic at the Metropolitan Opera)


And so forth... I want to go to sooooo many places...

Iron Chef Photos

Photos from Iron Chef...

It was a lot of fun, there is a chili cookoff in the spring, maybe I'll try that too LOL!

 

Welcome November...

A little product placement....

Today I worked from 9-5 which is definitely longer than I usually do on a Saturday. At lunch time, Marcia, my boss asked if I could grab her lunch when I got mine. I said sure and let her pick what I was going to go get. She picked Jack in the Box. While I was there I got the yummy Pumpkin Pie Shake of amazingness. I usually don't like fast food shakes beacuse they taste fake, but this one is super yummy!

Trunk or Treat

Tonight was the Trunk or Treat outreach at church. These are my observations.

1. I was the first of the Wordless Book people. One thing that I think might have been helpful was if I had a script in Spanish too. The area we live in has a significant population of Spanish speakers. I ended up simplifying the message a couple times due to the language barrier and I felt bad.

2. My car was awesomely decorated. (well, actually it was Cassie's car, but I decorated it...)



3. Tonight as I was leaving Pastor John was sharing with me and one of the other workers about the people who had said the sinners prayer. The number was much larger than I anticipated. I was excited. I was also excited for some other things he shared, but I am almost positive that we'll all be hearing them Sunday morning, and I don't want to spoil anything for anyone. But mostly I was excited because it was one of the first times that PJ has shared something with me BECAUSE I was a partner in a ministry team, and not to try to show me something, or prove a point. One of the things I have found most frustrating is that people tend to treat me like a child sometimes. I know that part of it is because I tend to act younger than I am, but I sometimes think that its because I am not married and am still in school. But to be honest, none of these things make me less of an adult than I am. I am 27 years old, I am NOT a child. I like to have fun, I derive pleasure from simple things, but I am an ADULT. I really appreciated being treated like one this evening. Especially by my pastor. He has been my pastor for 20 years, since I was a little girl, he often forgets how old I am, and I appreciated being treated like an adult.

(Sorry for the mini rant)

Rawr

This hoodie was the inspiration for my Halloween Costume. I love sharks and had fun making this costume.


 

Iron Chef

So tonight was our campus Iron Chef competition. The secret ingredient was lamb. I don't eat lamb. I have never cooked lamb, and I was the lead for our team.

We made three dishes and came in third place. I don't think the judging was fair, but I am just glad it is over. I am very proud of all my team for working together and making three pretty tasty dishes out of an ingredient that none of us had encountered with zero professional training.

I get to keep my chef coat and we all got certificates for participation.


Our professor complimented our food and we all liked it, so that's all that matters. We had fun and did something new. I hope to post pictures soon.

I found this amazing idea online...

It is the placement of a souvenir depicting a monument in the place where the monument would be in the picture...


For example:





I found them on http://www.totalmania.net/famous-places-and-souvenirs#more-5383

sURVEY sAYS!

I have been busy working on stuff for school and cleaning, but I am too close to the end of October to give up!



45 of the most random things you probably never needed to know about someone

whats your name spelt backwards?: SNIKTA ESIUOL YECATS
What did you do last night?: CARVED A PUMPKIN, HUNG OUT WITH FRIENDS
The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: ?
Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?: YES
Last time you swam in a pool?: LAST MONTH
What are you wearing?: RED TSHIRT, WHITE TRASH PJ BOTTOMS
How many cars have you owned?: 5
Type of music you dislike most?: VULGAR
Are you registered to vote?: YES
Do you have cable?: ITS IN THE HOUSE
What kind of computer do you use?: GATEWAY
Ever made a prank phone call?: NOT IN MANY YEARS
You like anyone right now?: MAYBE ;)
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?: YEP
Furthest place you ever traveled?: ST. PETERSBURG
What's your favorite comic strip?: CALVIN AND HOBBES, UNSHELVED
Do u know all the words to the national anthem?: IF THE MUSIC IS PLAYING
Shower, morning or night?: MORNING
Best movie you've seen in the past month?: TROPIC THUNDER!
Favorite pizza toppings?: PEPPERONI, SAUSAGE, OLIVES, MUSHROOMS
Chips or popcorn?: POPCORN
What cell phone provider do you have?: AT&T
Have you ever smoked peanut shells?: NO... WHY WOULD I?
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?: NOPE!
Orange Juice or apple?: DEPENDS
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?: ASHLEY, CHRIS, VARIAN
favorite chocolate bar?: DEPENDS ON MY MOOD
Who is your longest friend and how long?: STACEE/ SHANNA (FOREVERISH)
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?: THIS SUMMER
Have you ever won a trophy?: YEP! BEST VELVEETA CHEESE!
Favorite arcade game?: SKIBALL
Ever ordered from an infomercial?: NO LOL
Sprite or 7-UP?: SPRITE
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?: YES
Last thing you bought at Walgreens?: YUMMY KETTLECORN
Ever thrown up in public?: YEP
Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?: TRUE LOVE
Do you believe in love at first sight?: NOPE
SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON?: SPONGEBOB
Did you have long hair as a young kid?: I COULD SIT ON IT
What message is on your voicemail machine?: ?
Where would you like to go right now?: BUDAPEST
Whats the name of your pet?: ...
What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?: BLUE JANSPORT AND NOT MUCH AT THE MOMENT
What do you think about most?: SCHOOL?

Fill out this survey yourself
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Brought to you by Bzoink

Photos from Jackson, CA

Some Photos I took while at my aunt's house this summer.

To Boldly Go...

On Myspace also, but just incase I don't get a chance to post a blog on here today.


I am sitting in the University Library and although I have been working on my paper, I am taking a break.

Last night at Bible study we discussed Lion Chasing and a few things stuck out to me.

One, is the whole Abraham and Isaac thing. And incidentally what I said about Abraham having Ishmael and how I have a clean unslept with BRuce (the shark) keep coming to mind. Although it sucks, Ishmael was not Isaac. Just like the clean Bruce is NOT my BAruce, the one who I take everywhere and sleep with. And Isaac was the requested sacrifice because he meant more to Abraham than anything else (except for God apparently) I am in the position of knowing what my Isaac is. (not BAruce incidentally) (whether or not its a good thing that I know what it is is a whole other issue.) But, I really have to ask myself if I am willing to give up my Isaac, if God asks it. And to be 100% honest. I don't know.

But I have been thinking about whether or not Isaac would've survived the encounter on the mountain if Abraham had not been willing to sacrifice him. That ram could've been a lion or a bear, and Isaac could've been taken from Abraham anyhow. I don't believe that God would do that, but I do know that he will remove things from us that we hold precious, if he must because of his love for us.
Do I like it? Heck no!
Do I recognize that it hurts, you bet.
Do I think that a willingness to sacrifice what is precious to us will always result in us not having to make the sacrifice? Nope.

Do I have the answers to any of my questions? Not on your life.

While doing my research, I was reading about Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture guy) and I was inspired by something that is probably an afterthought to those who knew him, but speaks to me. He was a Star Trek Fan. I LOVE Star Trek fans, we are all kind of bonded through our relative geekiness, and while studying Unitarians and Universalists for my paper, I came across the snippet that the next Star Trek film will feature Dr. Pausch in a small role. This stopped me in my tracks and is why I decided to blog in the midst of my scholarly work. I don't know why this speaks to me louder than anything else, but I understand this better than I do the rich mans list of making lots of money.

This wasn't a goal of Dr. Pausch's but it still happened...

I am not saying that I think that the experience changed his life, but I will argue that it had to be exciting for him to do.

I know that there are things in my life that, while completely unexpected, have changed the path of my life. Relationships, random occurences on the street, laziness.

Ok I just realized I am wandering, but really, does anyone get what I am trying to say?

The second thing I have been pondering is the LIST of risks/goals.
I could make a list of things I want to do in my life, but how many of them involve risk?

I only came up with a few items and most of them involved travel, sharks, or school. There are risks involved in all of those, but still fairly safe things if you think about it. I want to take HUMONGOUS risks, both for myself and for God.

I want to take on things that appear ludicrous, I want to chase down the Biggest freaking Lion I can find, and then the next biggest and so on until I die. (Preferably not of Parasites!)

Nothing to see here Folks....

Really.

I just wanted a post for the day.

so heres a picture to make your trip worthwile. It is the Fall 2008 version of Happy Stacey.

Lions. Pits. Battlestar Gallactica.

Not quite as catchy as The Office but I do try.

So, I have entered fully into the lion hunting experience today. I have submitted my frist two applications for grad school and will be doing at least 2 more tomorrow. (I have to call and ask a question because I am submitting applications to two programs at one school) So to put it all out there... I am applying to all of the following:
Cal State Northridge-History
Cal State LA-History
San Jose State-Library Science AND History
Southwestern A/G-History
Simmons College-Dual Degree Program in Archival Studies and History

3 of those schools are not local at all.(San Jose isn't too bad, but SAGU is in Texas and Simmons is in Boston) But I am believing that if I am supposed to stay local my lion will go into a closer pit. And if I am supposed to go farther, I WILL follow that lion to the pit where it descends.

One bit of good news for those that would like to see me stay close is that if my lion is the library degree from San Jose State, I can do most of it as distance education, and just take trips up there for weekend classes.

I need to thank those of you who have kept me in your prayers about this situation. I ask that you continue to do so, and especially pray that the right doors will be opened and the wrong ones shut.



And for those who miss my random posting of song lyrics ( I know at least one person who will stop reading here LOL)This is a snippet of a song that has been running through my head while filling out all of these applications.

Take My Hand by The Kry (I think it is verse 2 and on)

don't live in the past
cause yesterday's gone
wishing memories would last
you're afraid to carry on
you don't know what's comin'
but you know the one who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide
take you through the night
if you keep your eyes on Me

take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on me alone
don't you say why were the old days better
just because you're scared of the unknown

Pleasantly Surprised

I don't know if it is because of the circumstances in which I was raised, or some general insecurity I suffer from, but it always amazes me when God blesses me in an extraordinary way. I for some reason can't grasp the concept of God wanting to bless me or give me good things. But when He does, I am always pleasantly surprised.

What's with Today, Today?

So today was kind of full of win.

I went to school.

I guessed at an extra credit quiz and guessed right even though I hadn't even read the article. (She hadn't been able to get me a copy of it yet)

I studied for my midterm (and got some help from friends at home) And while I don't think I did fabulous, I think I did okay.

I went to work and had like 13 people show up for my toddler craft night.

I made the sample Venetian mask for my International Craft day on Friday. And it is really cute. I will try to put a picture of it up eventually. I <3 it!

And now I am getting ready for bed. I am so sleepy.

So... I finally did it...

Today I went to my professor to get my drop form signed. And then she made me feel so terrible about dropping that I almost wished I was just willing to take a fail and never had to talk to her at all. It isn't even that she was mean, it is just that she is someone who I admire, and I can't stand to let people I don't care about down, so how much worse is it when you dissapoint someone you look up to. She did say I could sit in on lectures which I will need to do at least once this semester to prove that I am not a chicken (although after today, I'd rather not)

I really am getting much more into the Research assistant position. I think it is interesting to look at these really old documents and try to piece together what happened and why. I was working with French Court documents from 1770 today. Just the pictures of them but it is crazy how they wrote. All I am doing is cataloging them but there is a fair deal of transcription involved and I am picking up some French which will be useful later in life.

I need to get organized and talk to my professors about letters of recommendation. I have talked to a few people about my reservations when it comes to grad school and they have basically said that my concerns are trivial. One professor said that everyone struggles with their foriegn language requirement; another said that its okay if you are only interested in what you like, just do whatever you have to and when its time to do the research it will be in what you are interested in; another told me that I am very bright and they think I will do well in grad school. These all help in my decision making process. Someone from my non-academic life said that they think I should go to grad school, and just prepare for it unless something else pops up.

That person has a point...

I can't just stop moving because I don't know which way to go, I just have to start walking down a path. It may be that I will have to go back and start down another but if I don't start moving I am not going to go anywhere.

Wanderlust...

Although it is barely an hour later, I find myself having a new post for the new day...

I want to travel again.

I know this is silly because I had such a difficult time leaving on my last trip.

But I am now debating between:

Italy and the Mediterranean during WInter Break (which is probably the only time I'd consider going to that region due to the fact that I am CRANKY when I am hot)(with the same company I went with before)

Returning to Russia in the Summer and spend two weeks cruising the rivers, (with the "grown up" version of the company I went to Russia with)

And a tour with Cosmos called Imperial Capitals which goes to England, Drives through France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Germany, Austria, Czech Republic, Slovakia and Hungary.

and between about a million other places...

I know I want to go to Hungary and the Czech Republic. There is also a tour that specifically visits the castle of Vlad the Impaler which I would really want to see, but would not go on a special tour just to see it unless it went other places I want to go.

There is another company I heard from other COntikis about that just drives you from one place to the next in Europe.... Which I just looked up and I may have found the tour of my dreams... It hits both Hungary and the Czech Republic and it visits both Auschwitz and Birkenau which (although it may sound horrible) I would find fascinating to visit.

This traveling concept bears pondering....

I haven't missed a day yet...

but I don't really have anything to say.

I highly recommend reading the book of Acts.

I am craving brownies.

I like to eat honey on my Chicken strips, nuggets, popcorn chicken ect. For some reason the combination of sweet with salty/spicy is yummy.

I am looking forward to church tomorrow. I love it so.

Learning and the nother Awards

I learned this week:

That an 18 page paper seems less daunting of you look at it like it is 4 four page papers and 2 one page papers...Sounds crazy but I am so less stressed now.

After talking to several people, it is apparently weird how I have friends at school. No one I've talked to that didn't move away to go to school made friends like I did. I don't think it's weird, but I have always been less shy around strangers than people I know and so I seem to make friends easily.

And speaking of friends... Some honorable mentions are deserved...

Ashley is AMAZING for getting to school almost 3 hours early so she could sit a table for the History Club. She was going to be there alone but I went to keep her company and she greeted me with a chai latte (yum) and cookies! (The breakfast of champions)

Chris wins the award for keeping a set of handouts from me for class. And for basically giving me the heads up that we have a midterm Tuesday (I had talked to the professor and she forgot to mention that to me).

Varian wins the knight in shining armor award for rescuing my Diet Dr. Pepper from underneath the table (if I had had to retrieve it I couldn't have) and it was a new bottle! I NEEDS my Diet Dr. Pepper!

Jessica M. Wins the award for being super helpful at work. I needed to get my cupboard organized and I needed to find the dot markers. She helped my put everything within my reach on the floor and when I was done she out the boxes back in my shelf and took out my trash for me. She didn't have to do this, but she did because she knew I shouldn't do it (but would if I had to)

Marcia wins the Sharing of the lunch award for sharing her lunch with me on Wednesday. I was running late and didn't have a chance to eat so she shared her Veggie sandwich from Subway and some chips with me. It was very yummy.

These people don't (to my knowledge) read my blog and those of you who do will probably never get to interact with them. :( But I thought that I should brag about them so that you could get another look at who my nother friends are.

I learned (or actually figured out) like half of my Christmas list and other exciting things. Just by walking around Michael's.

I was going to write some more but i got distracted by youtube and its after midnight... My schedule says I should be asleep now... LOL (Denise the schedule is NOT a contract it is a guide...)

tHE bLoG jACKEr StrIKeS aGAiN

So I made a schedule like Nicky did...




I was highly dismayed to see a couple of things:

I spend way too much time driving

Although I didn't set a time I do eat dinner almost everyday

I work in some capacity everyday except for Thursdays (but if you count the club as work then it is everyday)

I have set aside 8 hours a week for homework, not nearly enough...

That is prolly all I am gonna ponder for today... I am kinda sleepy I got up super early to do school stuff.

Pretty

So I found out from a little bird that my last layout was difficult to read. I hope this one is better because I really like it.

So I would like to ask all my blog readers to pray for a situation at my work. I can't go into what it is, and it is definitely not anyone harrassing me or anything like that. But prayers for wisdom for the people in charge of the situation to have wisdom and insight would be much appreciated.

Ummm, I have to get up early to work on something for school. Prayers for school would be greatly appreciated. It is a stressful time for me right now.

And while I am asking for prayer, lets just remind everyone that my back needs fixing.

OK The end...

I really LOVE my strawberrylime soda from the coffee cafe at church. They make me happy!

So, Today was one of those days when I just felt like crying all day, but only for a while.

I took my computer to church so Nate could make it AMAZING! And he did, but then I just exploded in a gigantic burst of angst at him. I am so stressed about so much, and he made the mistake of asking me what was wrong.

AFter he let me vent, he said something that made me a little upset at first. He told me to go drive to the beach and just sit there and be still. And to be honest, I didn't like that answer at first. SO, at first I made excuses... " I don't like the beach." "It's too far" Then I finally decided that I did need to take a few minutes to calm myself. So I agreed to go down to the prayer room. But on my way downstairs I decided that if I did, I probably wouldn't be able to completely be still.

So I took off, I drove up Western and went on Paseo Del Mar up toward Pt. Fermin. I contemplated stopping, but decided to keep driving. Then I ended up at the new Target in San Pedro. Sometimes it helps me to be doing something while I am pondering. (For Example... I am watching Biggest Loser as I type this) So I did some shopping, nothing major, mostly just looked around while I was thinking about life, and all the causes of my stress. And everything. Then I went to TacoBell because it was lunch time and I was hungry. Then I decided to drive towards Redondo because I still had 45 minutes until I had to return to church to pick up my computer. On the way I turned on the Fish. I hate that station with a passion but decided that listening to KROQ while trying to "be still" wasn't a great idea.

For the first time ever, The Fish proved to have some use in my life. 2 Songs came on that I really, really needed to hear. One of them was Word of God Speak by Mercy Me.

Here are the Lyrics:
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

------------------------------------------

I got two things from this. One is that in all of my business, I often find that putting time to just rest in God's presence and to listen for his still, small, voice has taken a back burner in my life. I think that it could be because it is a passive activity. Praying is active, reading is active, and they are easier for me to do. But for some reason just being still is harder for me.

The other song that is seemingly unrelated is Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman.
When it first came on I was like "Great, another sappy father daughter song, just what I need to help me be LESS angsty." And there in my car, I heard it, the voice of my Abba telling me, "Yes, I know you haven't had an earthly father to dance with you, or to treat you like the princess you are, but you are my precious, precious daughter and I want to dance with you." And boy, I'll tell you, that that had absolutely nothing to do with why I was angsty and stressed, but it helped make my day so much better, to have heard from my Abba.

Call me Crazy, but it did...

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays,
Without a care in the world.
And I'm sittin' here wearin' the weight of the world on my shoulders.
It's been a long day and there's still work to do,
She's pulling at me saying "Dad I need you!
There's a ball at the castle and I've been invited and I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says "Dad, the prom is just one week away,
And I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone
She will be gone.

Well, she came home today
With a ring on her hand
Just glowin' and tellin' us all they had planned
She says "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
but I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
(even one song)
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

-----------------------------------------------------

So, that's about it from me for tonight. I am all caught up on Biggest Loser and I need to get up super early for work tomorrow. It is another busy day. But I need to make sure I add more time to just rest in God's presence.

I know I didn't really rest in His presence today, but he was still gracious to meet me where I was (on PCH by Best Buy lol)

cds.....

As I don't really have anything to report as of yet, hopefully I'll have the news I was anticipating tomorrow night.

I am on a big music kick right now. I can't wait for the Cds I bought today to come. I purchased some cds of my youth from amazon and a couple of them were only like 3 dollars with shipping! A total win.

If anyone has Dogwood's Through THick and Thin, I would love to listen to it.

The Freshman 15...

Well not really... One more meme/ survey thingy. I hopefully will have lots of exciting news to share tomorrow night after school. Keep your fingers crossed.


Freshman 15...

Name 1 word to describe you:

Determined

Name 2 of Your Hobbies:

Travel
Reading

Name 3 Things in your Room:

Sharks
Books
Clothes

Name 4 Things that you love:

Russia
Movies
Tea
History

Name 5 People you trust with your Life:

Jesus
The <3's
Nate
Chris
Bill

Name 6 things that get you Ticked:

Prejudice
Oppression
Willful Ignorance
War
Suffering
Research Papers

Name 7 Inside jokes with your group:

Um, I am not really sure what the inside jokes are. I could assume that office references could be considered inside jokes. And then there are the sayings that aren't really jokes but that we all get... Hmmmm maybe jokes about horses and twirly skirts... I fail at this section... Oh well...


Name 8 things you couldn't live without:

Jesus
Water
Air
Food
Friends
The rest I could live without but wouldn't want to
Diet Dr. Pepper
Laptop/Internet
Chocolate

Name 9 Foods you are obsessed with:

Cupcakes
Bacon
Chocolate
Soda
Chicken
Spaghetti and Meatballs
Jalapenos
Macaroni and Cheese
Meatloaf

Name 10 reasons why nobody can be you:

Because the position has already been filled.
Because nobody else wants the job.
Because no one else is as Amazing as I am.
Because God made me unique.
Because No one is quite as obsessed with Russia as I am.
Because I have a patent on myself.
Because no one else has my DNA.
Because no one else has my fingerprints.
Because everyone else is too busy being themsleves.
Because only I know ALL my secrets.

Name 11 animals off the top of your head:

Sharks
Owls
Llamas
Bats
Chickens
Goats
Lions
Giraffes
Cats
Aligators
Eagles

Name 12 Celebrities who get on your nerves:

Brittney Spears
Miley Cyrus (sorry Stacee)
Lindsey Lohan
Tom Cruise
Rachel Ray
Dr.Phil
Ryan Gosling
Hilary Duff
Jaime Lee Curtis
John Travolta
Sylvester Stallone
Sarah Jessica Parker

Name 13 Movies (good or bad)

Stardust
Shaun of the Dead
Hot Fuzz
Clue
Van Helsing
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
The Producers
Enchanted
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
Tropic Thunder
Good Night and Good Luck
Anastasia
The Labyrinth

Name 14 CDs that you have or want: (This must be old who has Cds anymore? But still I'd like these!)(I may have to go take a looksie at ebay:) )

Happy Christmas
Happy Christmas 2
Jeff Deyo Saturate
Newsboys Going Public
Newsboys Take Me to Your Leader
Dogwood Through Thick and Thin
Slick Shoes Rusty
Joy Electric CHRISTIANsongs
Supertones Adventures of the OC Supertones
Supertones Supertones Strike Back
Supertones Any Given Day
Insyderz Skallelujah
Insyderz Skallelujah 2
The Kry What About now

Name 15 Words you probably use too much:

Eh!
Angst(y)
Russia
Sharkies!
Oi!
Soda!
Cuppycakes!
Dude!
Amazazing!
Adobo!
Drugs
I
Me
My
Mine

Well, after a few days of memes I think its time for a "real" blog. Yesterday I went back to work, It wasn't too bad. This morning was bad, but I went in anyway because we were short staffed. Thankfully it was quiet both days.

I have to go to Fresno next Saturday to work on my research paper. This would be exciting but I am so over school. I like 3 of my classes, and once I drop the one class, I will like all of them, but I think the pressure of deciding what to do next is getting to me. I am famous for hindering myself when I don't want to face something. The fact is, I don't want to think about what is next. I am kinda happy where I am now, and change is scary. Next semester I am taking classes on Film as History with one of my favorite professors who happens to be retiring next semster, and a class on Terror and Totalitarianism with another professor whose class style is amazing and learning doesn't feel like a chore in her classes.

Then I graduate. Hopefully I can figure out what to do next soon. But I do know that God moves in movement and that I need to do something.

My back is okay as long as I am in the middle of one of my well medicated periods. I am still super twingy in some positions but the pain is less sharp. I have been sleeping throught the night because of my muscle relaxer, it is amazing but makes me kind of groggy in the morning. My friend's uncle is a chiropractor and he said that depending on my xrays and what exactly is wrong, he doesn't know if he can help. But he is gonna take a look at my xrays when he gets back form vacation and see what he can tell me.

All of the comments on my one blog about offending someone humored me. I took the offensive part out and then forgot to change my disclaimer. Tomorrow will probably be a meme night or something else fun.

On a Lighter Note

So, after yesterday's post of deepness, I thought I would follow up with a light post of fun and well mannered frivolity...


Which book do you irrationally cringe away from reading, despite seeing only positive reviews?

Hmmm... For some reason I haven't read any of the Twilight books yet. I also haven't read any Jane Austen books. I don't know why, but really the thought of reading them making me make that face of discomfort...

If you could bring three characters to life for a social event (afternoon tea, a night of clubbing, perhaps a world cruise), who would they be and what would the event be?

Hello, world cruise! James Qwilleran from Lillian Jackson Braun's The Cat Who Series (because we need someone to pay for the cruise!)and because he is a good conversationalist. Hmmm.... Hannah Swensen from The Joann Fluke Cookie Murders Series. She is happy and fun and I need to tell her she is supposed to marry Norman the Dentist... And she could make us cookies! It is hard to pick...:/ MAybe Percy Jackson from the Percy Jackson Series. As long as he is on the boat we are safe, and to be honest, that kid needs a break.

I would've said Severus Snape and Remus Lupin from Harry Potter, but Snape from the series is a total jerk, I would rather take Fanfic Snape, and A werewolf on a cruise would be a little dangerous (but very hot!)

(Borrowing shamelessly from the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde): you are told you can’t die until you read the most boring novel on the planet. While this immortality is great for awhile, eventually you realise it’s past time to die. Which book would you expect to get you a nice grave?

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy... I would be immortal practically becasue everytime I pick up that book I fall asleep. I feel it is gonna be one of those books that I wiki to find out what happens...

Come on, we’ve all been there. Which book have you pretended, or at least hinted, that you’ve read, when in fact you’ve been nowhere near it?

1984 by George Orwell... I read the Spark Notes, I know what happens, I've read the beginning and the end... doesn't that count? The blog I took this from said any books assigned in High School and Junior High which is the same for me except for Lord of the Flies by William Golding and Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. I read those. I don't like being told what to read it messes with my mind...

As an addition to the last question, has there been a book that you really thought you had read, only to realise when you read a review about it/go to ‘reread’ it that you haven’t?

I thought I had read Wuthering Heights for the longest time, and then I realized that I hadn't, I had read Watership Down and was getting them confused. Oh well, I can't remember anything about Watership Down except for that there's rabbits in it, so I should probably one day read both of them.

You’re interviewing for the post of Official Book Advisor to some VIP (who’s not a big reader). What’s the first book you’d recommend and why? (if you feel like you’d have to know the person, go ahead of personalise the VIP)

I would say the Bible, but hopefully they already read that. Um... Possibly Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. I think it depends on what kind of VIP they are. If they are political I would say that book, If they are a church VIP they would have to read Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller and The Shack. If they were historians, they would have to read something like Harry Potter just to get their heads out of their own timelines...

A good fairy comes and grants you one wish: you will have perfect reading comprehension in the foreign language of your choice. Which language do you go with?

Russian Cyrillic! Um DUH!

A mischievious fairy comes and says that you must choose one book that you will reread once a year for the rest of your life (you can read other books as well). Which book would you pick?

All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot, I usually read it at least that often as it is my favorite book of all time...

I know that the book blogging community, and its various challenges, have pushed my reading borders. What’s one bookish thing you ‘discovered’ from book blogging (maybe a new genre, or author, or new appreciation for cover art-anything)?

I do actually have a new found love for books on living the Christian life. It helps to have someone blog about them and give you an honest review/opinion.

That good fairy is back for one final visit. Now, she’s granting you your dream library! Describe it. Is everything leatherbound? Is it full of first edition hardcovers? Pristine trade paperbacks? Perhaps a few favourite authors have inscribed their works? Go ahead-let your imagination run free.


Yay! Firstly, it is huge! Secondly it is all done in Ravenclaw colors! I would have a whole section of leatherbound classics. I would have a section for Fantasy and mysteries. Probably a whole wall dedicated to books on history and travel. I would have a section for paperback version of my favorite books that magically replaced themselves with new copies whenever the one before it had gotten damaged or lost.... I would have an awesome sound system for listening to music, and I would have a little are set up for making tea that magically stays stocked.

Trust a blog meme....

So there are a bunch of blog prompts on the net and this is one I chose for today. Some of these things are things I am only putting because I trust all 6 of my blog readers not to intentionally hurt me.

The Rule of Five

Answer these 5 sets of 5 Questions...


5 People Who Made You do something you didn't want to, but ended up being grateful they did.


1. Sarah/Nate/Denise/Stacee: Made me get on the airplane....Thanks Guys!

2. John Hodges: Made me go visit my dad, in fact he wouldn't let me go to some youth event until I had. It was the last time I saw my dad before he died. I am truly grateful even if I was a total brat about it.

3. My Mom: Made me do a lot of stuff that I didn't want to while growing up, and now I am grateful.

4. Denise (again) makes me watch movies that I complain about having to watch, but then I like.

5. The last person is remaining unnamed, but if they were to read this they would know who they are. Constanttly making me do things, just because I should, because they are good for me, or because they are the right thing to do.... When I end up being a better person than I am today, you'll be at least partially responsible...


5 Things people don't know about you.


1. When I was in fourth grade the school made me see a psychiatrist because I had Trichotillomania. I still have it but not as bad. It is the compulsive pulling out of ones hair. One day they discovered I had no eyelashes and a giant spot on the side of my head with no hair. It ended up being okay, the shrink was nice and when I "graduated" he gave me a giant lavender rag doll. I really liked that doll. And now I have eyelashes again.

2. There are only 5 people who can hug me without making me flinch. And I hate it. It isn't because I don't like everyone else, It's a total me thing. If you are one of those five you are one of the people I trust the most in life, feel special.

3. I used to think I was going to die young because I didn't think that God had a plan for my life, because I didn't know what it was. I still don't but I'll recognize that He has one...I wish he would tell me what it is...

4. I almost didn't graduate from high school. (Not exactly a secret but I am running out of things to put.)

5. If I had to give up either chocolate or soda, I would give up chocolate...And then no one would be my friend...


5 Things that make you smile.


1. Any of the animals I love (sharks, owls, bats, dinosaurs, llamas, kittens)

2. Geeky pop culture references! (make it so!, 42, my precious...)or any reference to Russia!

3. Rainy days

4. My friends

5. Things that are BLUE


5 Songs that represent your life.


1. Falling Down Like Rain by Jeff Deyo

2. At Your Library by Bill Harley

3. Closer by Sanctus Real

4. Children of the Lord by Joy Electric

5. Christmas in Sarajevo by Trans Siberian Orchestra


5 Places you want to visit.


1. Budapest (It looks so pretty in the travel guide)

2. Romania (I love the vampires!)

3. Washington D.C. (I'm American, I should go at least once)

4. Vancouver (to visit the Canadians)

5. St. Petersburg (yes! Again! I love it sooooo!)

Copying Nicky

10 Years Ago...

I had just turned 17. My mom had just died. I was a newish Christian, but was hardcore involved with my youth group. I had no job, and I hated school. I lived with Grandma. I weighed a lot more than I do now. Like 70 pounds more. I was business manager of the school paper. I used to drive around the peninsula with Amber and Danny in Danny's VW. We would go hill jumping!


10 Years from now...

I will be 37. My children will hopefully be in their teens. Since I want to adopt older kids. I will hopefully be in ministry of some form. I really honestly don't care what I am doing in ten years as long as I am serving God with my whole heart, and living a sold out life for Him.


The ENd...

Side Note...

I am writing this in the youth room and Nate said that in 10 years I'll be living in Russia with my Husband of 9 years.... Alas, I wish it were true!

Waterloo!

I feel a bit better today. I was able to sit down and eat dinner which is an improvement over having to stand up to eat. I am hoping to be even better by tomorrow, because another day in this bed is going to drive me bonkers.

I did, however, get to watch The Labyrinth last night on my laptop. It made me want to watch all those great 80's and early 90's movies again. I seriously have a great desire to watch. The Princess Bride, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Clue, Empire Records, and randomly enough UHF. I love all of those movies immensely.


I also have a random desire for sweet things, including but not limited to Collette's Choc Chip cookies, Kettle Corn and Peanut M&Ms. But I think that eating them all at once would give me a stomach ache.

Apologies in Advance

Warning: I am brutally honest about how I feel in here, and I may offend someone, but it is my blog. I am however, open to discussion.

Today has been miserable.

I tried to get appointments with 4 doctors. One is out of town, one doesn't see cash patients, one (school) didn't call me back and I will call again tomorrow. The last one was the chiropractor who doesn't see people with "disk issues" (which I thought was wierd)

If I can't get one soon, I am just gonna have to go to Harbor General and plead for mercy.

I don't know why it got really bad all of a sudden, but I know that every time it does, I am forced to confront certain realities.

One is that I am too fat. And that is the main reason I have this problem. As excited as I am to weigh so much less than I used to. (I haven't weighed this little in approx 15 years) I am still too fat.

Another reality is a conundrum that I know I am not the only one to face. Nor have I faced it in as stark a reality as others have. And that is that sometimes God's answer to prayer is different from what we'd like it to be. I know that I have changed for the better as a result of having this pain, but there are times like today when not having grown in the ways I have is a tempting exchange for a lack of pain.

The youth are going through the book of Mark in their Bible study and for the first time last night I was able to admit that this is a hard Bible study for me. It seems like everytime I turn a page, Jesus has healed someone or raised them from the dead. Mark 5:34 has probably been one of the most difficult passages for me to reconcile with what I have been taught. "34 And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.” And we are taught that by his stripes we are healed. I firmly believe that God can heal me, and I firmly believe that God loves me. What I have problems with is that my Abba who loves me and sent his son to die for me and suffer so that I may be healed, hasn't healed me. I know that God's plans for me may be bigger than my own, but boy do I wish he had a different way of implementing them.

I sometimes feel like a bad person because this pain affects me emotionally, and I know that there are people out there who live with worse pain and have amazingly positive outlooks on life.

I am afraid of having surgery and its about 50/50 fear of pain and a loss of dignity. I would literally rather live a life of pain than have the surgery that I might be told to have. And while you may think that I am crazy for having those thoughts, I assure you anyone who has lived my life would understand. I have lived my life in the shadow of the hospital and I just can't take it any more.

This whole situation makes me far more emotional than I would like to feel. It reminds me of my situation as an interloper into other people's families and homes and I am drained just thinking about it.

Pardon the emoness. It has been a bad day.

Distraction....

I am having a really bad back day/night. So, to distract me from my misery a little bloggy toy...



The Omnivore’s Hundred
Here’s a chance for a little interactivity for all the bloggers out there. Below is a list of 100 things that I think every good omnivore should have tried at least once in their life. The list includes fine food, strange food, everyday food and even some pretty bad food - but a good omnivore should really try it all. Don’t worry if you haven’t, mind you; neither have I, though I’ll be sure to work on it. Don’t worry if you don’t recognise everything in the hundred, either; Wikipedia has the answers.

Here’s what I want you to do:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake