So, Today was one of those days when I just felt like crying all day, but only for a while.

I took my computer to church so Nate could make it AMAZING! And he did, but then I just exploded in a gigantic burst of angst at him. I am so stressed about so much, and he made the mistake of asking me what was wrong.

AFter he let me vent, he said something that made me a little upset at first. He told me to go drive to the beach and just sit there and be still. And to be honest, I didn't like that answer at first. SO, at first I made excuses... " I don't like the beach." "It's too far" Then I finally decided that I did need to take a few minutes to calm myself. So I agreed to go down to the prayer room. But on my way downstairs I decided that if I did, I probably wouldn't be able to completely be still.

So I took off, I drove up Western and went on Paseo Del Mar up toward Pt. Fermin. I contemplated stopping, but decided to keep driving. Then I ended up at the new Target in San Pedro. Sometimes it helps me to be doing something while I am pondering. (For Example... I am watching Biggest Loser as I type this) So I did some shopping, nothing major, mostly just looked around while I was thinking about life, and all the causes of my stress. And everything. Then I went to TacoBell because it was lunch time and I was hungry. Then I decided to drive towards Redondo because I still had 45 minutes until I had to return to church to pick up my computer. On the way I turned on the Fish. I hate that station with a passion but decided that listening to KROQ while trying to "be still" wasn't a great idea.

For the first time ever, The Fish proved to have some use in my life. 2 Songs came on that I really, really needed to hear. One of them was Word of God Speak by Mercy Me.

Here are the Lyrics:
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

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I got two things from this. One is that in all of my business, I often find that putting time to just rest in God's presence and to listen for his still, small, voice has taken a back burner in my life. I think that it could be because it is a passive activity. Praying is active, reading is active, and they are easier for me to do. But for some reason just being still is harder for me.

The other song that is seemingly unrelated is Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman.
When it first came on I was like "Great, another sappy father daughter song, just what I need to help me be LESS angsty." And there in my car, I heard it, the voice of my Abba telling me, "Yes, I know you haven't had an earthly father to dance with you, or to treat you like the princess you are, but you are my precious, precious daughter and I want to dance with you." And boy, I'll tell you, that that had absolutely nothing to do with why I was angsty and stressed, but it helped make my day so much better, to have heard from my Abba.

Call me Crazy, but it did...

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays,
Without a care in the world.
And I'm sittin' here wearin' the weight of the world on my shoulders.
It's been a long day and there's still work to do,
She's pulling at me saying "Dad I need you!
There's a ball at the castle and I've been invited and I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says "Dad, the prom is just one week away,
And I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone
She will be gone.

Well, she came home today
With a ring on her hand
Just glowin' and tellin' us all they had planned
She says "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
but I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
(even one song)
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

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So, that's about it from me for tonight. I am all caught up on Biggest Loser and I need to get up super early for work tomorrow. It is another busy day. But I need to make sure I add more time to just rest in God's presence.

I know I didn't really rest in His presence today, but he was still gracious to meet me where I was (on PCH by Best Buy lol)