So... I finally did it...

Today I went to my professor to get my drop form signed. And then she made me feel so terrible about dropping that I almost wished I was just willing to take a fail and never had to talk to her at all. It isn't even that she was mean, it is just that she is someone who I admire, and I can't stand to let people I don't care about down, so how much worse is it when you dissapoint someone you look up to. She did say I could sit in on lectures which I will need to do at least once this semester to prove that I am not a chicken (although after today, I'd rather not)

I really am getting much more into the Research assistant position. I think it is interesting to look at these really old documents and try to piece together what happened and why. I was working with French Court documents from 1770 today. Just the pictures of them but it is crazy how they wrote. All I am doing is cataloging them but there is a fair deal of transcription involved and I am picking up some French which will be useful later in life.

I need to get organized and talk to my professors about letters of recommendation. I have talked to a few people about my reservations when it comes to grad school and they have basically said that my concerns are trivial. One professor said that everyone struggles with their foriegn language requirement; another said that its okay if you are only interested in what you like, just do whatever you have to and when its time to do the research it will be in what you are interested in; another told me that I am very bright and they think I will do well in grad school. These all help in my decision making process. Someone from my non-academic life said that they think I should go to grad school, and just prepare for it unless something else pops up.

That person has a point...

I can't just stop moving because I don't know which way to go, I just have to start walking down a path. It may be that I will have to go back and start down another but if I don't start moving I am not going to go anywhere.