Fighting to swim

I have so many things to tell everyone about my trip, but there is one that I just can't wait to get off my chest.

I had so much stress and anxiety about this trip and had words spoken over me about how this was not just a vacation but that God was going to use me during it. I don't really see how, but part of that is because I kind of went crazy during the first half of the trip, and I feel like I messed things up. One of the things that God has spoken to me when praying about what happened and what is going to happen is that I can't be like Annanias and Sapphira and pretend that it is more than it was. I would love to be able to come home and say that I lived a hardcore sold out life amongst the contikis but in reality I didn't. I lived a mostly normal kind of shy Stacey sort of life with a few missteps along the way. I didn't commit any major sins so don't worry I am not coming home pregnant or anything, but I didn't grab this opportunity to live big for God by the horns and I am feeling some regrets.

I am fighting to finish this trip, I have wanted to leave for about a week now, but have stayed. I don't want to get all emo in the hotel lobby and my time is almost up so I will try to explain further later...

I may not be online again until I get home on Monday! (it is Sat. morning here)
two more nights and I come home!