To Live

So.... I lost 13 lbs.  I am at a new low weight. I can't remember the last time I weighed this, but I would say elementary school. 18 more pounds and I am at my preliminary goal. Then I need to lose 20-25 more and I will be at a "normal" weight.  I have never actually followed a diet as closely as I have this time. I am a professional diet cheater (taking Fridays and holidays off etc) But for the most part, I have been consistently eating healthy for the last 12 days. I know that a lot of the weight I lost so far is water weight and that I can't expect to keep losing at this rate, but it is a good start. My doctor was impressed with my success so far. I know that we discussed on the phone that I was eating healthier and working out, but I think that he has heard it so many times from so many people that when I showed up having lost that much, he was honestly stunned.

So....other than the weight:
Medical update.

We discussed ways to improve my long term ability to stick to this healthy way of eating. I admitted that I was having a hard time knowing exactly what I should be eating and running out of ideas. So I now have a referral to meet with a dietician. I am having a hard time finding someone to meet with before my insurance runs out that is considered in-network, but I have a few more people to call tomorrow.

The last time I went in for an eye exam, the eye doctor mentioned seeing some weirdness in my eyes that could be related to high blood pressure or sugar, and my doctor wants me to see someone for a more detailed eye exam than you get at Walmart.

My toe looks really good, keep doing what I am doing. Yay!

I once again have had a good doctor's visit. I only barely cried at one point.

We were discussing stress and the importance of having a good support network. I gave him a brief overview of all the stuff I have been dealing with lately, and some of his responses surprised me. He is my medical doctor but took the time to listen, expressed sadness at some of the stuff I am dealing with, and helped me brainstorm some good ways to deal with some of the mental stuff because it CAN affect your physical health. One point to my lovely sister Robin, who recommended Yoga, the doctor recommended it too. Said I needed a way to remove my stress and encapsulate it so I don't feel as overwhelmed.

 He also recommended I reconnect with a place of worship after I admitted that I was missing having friends close by. I told him I had been burned before so I had been afraid to make a connection with a local church. Also, work tends to interfere with attending services.

But honestly? I really miss attending church. I also know if I am being honest I have been avoiding it more out of fear than anything else. I don't know who all is reading this, so a brief recap of the fact that I used to be really involved at the church I grew up in. I was at church more than I was at home (almost) I helped with the teens and the kids and basically anywhere I was needed to help. But things changed, and it was time to move on. (This is still painful and I don't want to say anything that would hurt anyone) I was hurt, and instead of addressing the issue, I have tried to ignore it (much like my toe that led to me seeking medical attention) but I feel like it is becoming time to address my issues and move toward healing.

I really want to LIVE, not just exist. There is no reason for me to keep merely existing. If I am to merely exist, Why bother?

So all of these changes I am making are to help me really LIVE. I can't just give up when there is so much more of life to experience. This is going to be a fresh start on a new healthier life.

If you pray, pray for my faith journey. This isn't going to be easy. And I honestly don't know where to start looking.

Work Stuff:
Both my manager and my supervisor have told me they are happy with my work. Getting faster will come with time. This relieves a bit of that stress, but I know I will feel better when I can do this route on my own in a reasonable amount of time.

Halloween:
I got to decorate my place, and I can't wait to decorate for Christmas. It is nice having a space to decorate.

My Space:
I got some wall art from Dollar Tree. Some fun glittery word art for the craft room and some tree prints for the living area. I just need to get them hung and I will put pics up on facebook.

There's a brief update for now. I will have to find something else to write about since I shouldn’t have to see my trusty physician for a few months :) Yay!