Operation?!

I have actually been blogging, just haven't felt like hitting the publish button. Too much going on that makes me feel incredibly vulnerable.

I did go to my follow-up appointment for the accident today. Neck and right shoulder are much improved, back is better, but still tight. Left shoulder, however is worrying. There may be a small tear in my supraspinatus muscle. If I am not markedly improved by my next visit, he wants me to go for a MRI and talk to a specialist. :/ This clearly is not the vision. A) I would like to go through life without having any crazy surgery B) the recuperation period will kill my savings. True story.

We also talked about the stuff going on in my life, and the excessive sleeping. And although I am in great loathing about taking them already, we talked about upping the anti-depressant temporarily. He knows I hate taking any pills, but those especially. He asked me what my issue was with them, and I admitted that it makes me feel like I have no control over my own mind and that's why I need them. He offered a different perspective. He told me to look at it as I am taking control over the situation by asking for help and taking the pills. That actually helped even though the little devil on my shoulder is crying BS. He also reassured me that I am still taking a relatively small dose. :/

I also had therapy this afternoon. This was one of my hardest sessions yet. But I am pretty sure we made some significant progress. Which is making the fact that my sessions may be ending soon slightly less terrifying. I admitted some really  scary things and there were many tears, but we also brainstormed some ideas and potential solutions.

My blood sugar was really high this afternoon, this happens when I am stressed and emotional, both of which I am today, so I kept the dinner carbs on the lower side and am not only going to try to get some stuff done before bed, but might try to get in a workout as well. Just need to avoid the weights, because I do NOT want to mess up my shoulder any more. I have work tomorrow and most days next week, which is good for the money.

I am going to be okay, it has just been a rough few weeks. Baby Steps my amigos!