The Retreat so far...

SO as I am writing this I am in a room of dear, dear women who are playing highly competetive Bunco games. I just finishhed working on my scrapbook and have finished my trip through stockholm although I really want to redo my LinnaMuseet page.

I want to write this stuff down before it gets fuzzy.

Last night, our speaker Candace spoke about how she felt God was telling her that there were women iint he room who desperately needed to hear from him as their father. She also talked about how she asked God for a tangible expression of His love for her.

As she was telling us about the women needing to hear from God she said point blank that if we didn't come up, she was coming to us. I froze. Could I hope that God wanted to tell me that I was His precious princess? Was I brave enough to go up and hope that I wouldn't go up and pray and have God overlook me? I stayed in my seat. I knew if I went up, and then God didn't have a word for me, I would be devastated. I also knew that I just couldn't cope with that. So, she ends up going around the room praying with and for people and telling them what she believes the Holy Spirit is telling her to. I was going to leave because I couldn't handle the stress of waiting. But I determined that if God overlooked me, I would deal, but it would hurt. Just as I am about to give up, I feel hands on my shoulders. And this woman sits next to me and 3 things happen simultaneously.
1. She tells me that God wants me to know I am beautiful and precious and all those things that every little girl needs to hear from her daddy. And she holds my face in her hands and while this A freaks me out, it also gets my attention. I often feel untouchable, even though I know that there are people who don't consider me that way, but know that I in general don't like to be touched, so they never touch me. But there are times when I could used a good quality hug, or a hand on my shoulder, and since this is something that is lacking in my life, it gets my attention when someone does touch me.
2.She told me that God wanted me to know that his love was not dependent upon my acheivements. I think that I needed to hear this, but didn't know it last night. I often worry about His love being dependant upon my actions.
3. I have forgotten the third thing, but I think that that may be because I am not supposed to share it. And I'll remember it as soon as I am done blogging.

Today during worship one of the dear women from my church came and prayed over me and spoke into my life. WoW! Things she told me were total confirmations of things God has been telling me for awhile, but I've been far too stubborn to admit to. I hate to say this, but once again my life plans may be changing, but I don't know by how much. What I do know is that I have to follow the call God has placed upon my life. Even if I try to run, He will find me like Jonah, and I would really like to avoid being swallowed and barfed up by a big fish.

I do know that I can't not do what God is calling me to...

I know I am being vague, and I just told Nicky and Denise this two minutes ago. But Prayer as I branch into a new identity is always appreciated.