Abundant

"I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."
John 10:10b

life: the experience of being alive; the course of human events and activities;

abundantly: In an abundant manner; in a sufficient degree; fully; amply; plentifully; in large measure

Last night we had a different type of youth service. We had an evening of worship that was sensory and all about experiencing God. Like most Wednesday nights, I wasn't expecting God to speak to me. I often forget how much God likes to do the unexpected.

One of the stations was a visual expression station where those who wished to could paint what God meant to them. I started off the evening by praying that the teens would get something out of the evening, but then I felt that little nudge telling me to go paint, So I went. I started to paint a white heart and contemplated the usual forgiven message, but then I moved to get more paint and realized, that I needed to move to the other side of the canvas, so I did, and as I did, I totally got the thought to just paint, don't have a plan for what you are painting, just paint.
So I left my little white heart and then I started to paint and I did a black heart and washed it over with white and at some point ended up adding the words life more abundant. I can't say I was totally aware of what I was painting, but neither was I unaware. I was just painting.

When I was done painting, I went back and was like "OK God what next?" and I was directed to another station. This was the station where we were supposed to write down either prayers or things we were hearing from God. So I grabbed a pad and pen and headed to a chair. At this point I was liek Ok I have some paper now what? And all of a sudden I get a flood of questions running through my head about what I had just painted. These questions were things like "Am I living a more abundant life? Or have I adapted to living a life of mediocrity and survival? Am I wasting His sacrifice?" And other thoughts on the topic. In short, I believe God has challenged me to throw of the mantle of merely existing and to begin to LIVE.

The last thing I got from last night was a thorough reminder that even though I have been saved for almost 13 years, I still struggle with sin. I think that we are most at danger when we try to pretend that we don't. One thing that I got "called to the carpet" for was for being covetous of people's families. I was wanting to have a family like some people I know, and God basically told me (in a much gentler way) to "get over it, that isn't my plan" I think this is one of my bigger struggles. This struggle to trust God with the fact that for some reason His plan does not include me having parents, and while it hurts and I just don't get why, I know that in order to live a more abundant life, that I am going to have to trust him with this. I have to trust that his plan is greater than my pain, I have to trust that there is a reason why my life is the way it is, and trust that one day I will see how it was worth it all.

There were some other things, but I need to head to school so I may have to share those later.