Rambling

If I were to be completely honest, I would say that right now I feel discontent. But then I feel bad for feeling that way because there isn't really a reason for me to feel that way.

But I do.

I feel... itchy... not like my skin is itchy, but that something is going to happen soon, and I can feel it.


I wish I knew what that was...

I also wish I was in Las Vegas right now.

Other things I wish for:

A good night's sleep

Not to have to work tomorrow

A day (or heck even a couple hours) pain free



Blah... I am rambling and I know it...

CSUDH: History Department Class of 2009!

What on Earth are these strangely dressed people doing?



Are they waiting FOREVER to walk across a stage?



Or do they just want to take a nap?



Oh! They are graduating!




Graduation was a blast!

life update

So, the semester, and for the most part my CSUDH career is coming to a close.

I do have one more class to take, but I have to leave my beloved Dominguez Hills.
It has been an absolute blast, and I am so grateful for the experience the past two years have been.

I have learned so much, not only about history, but also about myself.
I have learned that I am a stronger person than I give myself credit for.
I have learned that by stepping out of my comfort zone, I can experience amazing things.

I have learned to be more social.

I have made some amazing friends that I hope to keep even as we move on in our lives.

Finals start tomorrow.

After tomorrow, I have one more paper, and two tests, and my undergraduate education will be 99.9% complete.

I really need to get into the one summer school class being offered that will help me complete my degree and finish my grad school application. I have until June 15 th to complete my application to CSULA. If this doesn't work out, I will be attending DH in the fall, and then CSULA in the winter, unless they don't accept me.

Universal Studios!!!

On Sunday I went to:


With:



My friend Varian



I got a wheelchair, but had a lot of fun.



Dinosaurs are Amazing!




So are Sharks!

I really had a lot of fun. The day was filled with some general hilarity and far too much eating....

Getty Villa- CSUDH History Club Spring 09 Field Trip- Malibu, CA

On Saturday, The CSUDH History Club went to the GEtty Villa in Malibu, CA. We had a lot of fun, although heavy LA traffic delayed our arrival and limited the amount of time we had to see everything.



This is a picture of me with a statue of Clio who is the muse of history. I <3 History.



I really like the way this picture came out, and then since it was titled The Bearded Man, this picture has come to represent my friend Chris, who is the History Club President, who was unable to attend our field trip because he had to work.



This Place Was beautiful. The Inner Garden had this amazing hedge of rosemary bushes and I loved smelling them.



I was Camera-less and there were only two pictures I made my friend Varian take for me, one was the picture of Clio and myself, the other was this one. i think that these gloden laurels are beautiful. The craftsmanship is amazing.



The bronze statues all originally had these glass eyeballs in them that looked like real eyes, in some of the outdoor statues, (the reproductions) they have them in them. I think they are creepy and much prefer the eyeball-less look.



This is Varian. I insisted that he have at least one picture of himself for this day, and this is what he took. It is super myspace status, and it isn't even at the Villa, but is in my car on the way home.



This is a picture of the amazing Dr. Jeffers. He did such a good job giving us our tour, that random strangers were coming up to him asking him how much for a tour. These aren't random strangers though. They are some of my fellow Toros. After he gave the general overview he stuck around to answer questions about the artwork. But thankfully he traveled at my pace because although I was originally going to get a wheelchair, my stubborn pride won out and I did the walk, sit, walk, sit technique instead.



This is my favorite picture of me from the day. I didn't know I was having my picture taken, because I thought he was taking a picture of something behind me. I don't know why I like it, but I do.

missing?

It has been one of those long weeks. Walking through the desert, not good emotionally or physically or basically anything weeks.

To avoid coming off as a whiner, I've avoided the blog. But I am in a bleak, bleak, place right now. If you pray, please pray for me. I am stressed beyond all reason and am sick of crying at the drop of a hat. I am in much pain, both emotionally and physically. And I am soul weary and bone tired.

You get what you ask for...

Last night was the first time in a while where I cried myself to sleep. I just became so overwhelmed by the suckiness of my reality that I couldn't help it.

I am not so deluded or self-centered to believe that my reality is any worse that anyone else's but sometimes I just can't hold it together.

Now that my brief but wonderful stint of joy at the thought that I might not be completely repulsive to all humans of the male gender is over, I am resigned to the reaffirmation that I am a swamp monster. This is what started the line of thought that led me to tears, but isn't what actually made me cry.

What broke my heart was the renewed realization that I will never know what my mom thinks about anyone or anything in my life ever again. Neither will I know the same about my grandmother. I've realized this for awhile, but for now, the thought of that makes me incredibly sad.

I won't know if my family thinks that my future husband (if there ever is one) is a good or bad pick for me. I won't get to see their reaction to my finally graduating, and with honors no less! I don't get to have poud parents attending things like honors convocation or graduation. And since I am a swamp monster, I'll have no husband to attend them either.

I know I am never really alone, but there are just days when I feel like I am, and this was one of them.