Amongst the Storm

Today was another rough one. But to be honest, I don't anticipate them getting better for a while. Things are a lot rougher than I am comfortable sharing with the internet right now, and I haven't even really shared how bad it is with my friends or family. I am working towards better, but it is going to be rough for a while. I hope that I can have good days or even just good hours or minutes amongst the storm.

I started my morning by casing for a while and then I was sent to run the parcels for the route I was doing. While I was running the parcels I was also doing "the ugly cry" and at one point I was delivering a package next door to someone I know and my biggest fear was that someone would see me. It would be bad enough to have anyone encounter me in that state, but infinitely worse if you know that person.

I was able to deliver all of the mail I took out with me (my boss had someone take a couple of trays off of me to help with the shoulder/back pain) and be back well in time before dark. I could have delivered all of the mail and made it back, which was my goal.

I almost got to go out with my friend tonight, but she was informed by her family that she was expected for dinner. I am still hoping to go out tomorrow but it is going to depend on how busy we are. I really need the distraction though, so I hope it works out that I can go.

My week looks like this so far:
Sunday: Amazon Day and hopefully out with friends in the evening.
Monday: Splitting a new route with my homie. Hopefully it won't be too ugly of a day.
Tuesday: Not scheduled at the moment (but you all know that could change at any minute)
Wednesday- Scheduled to cover a route, but someone else is going to case it while I go to PT
Thursday: New Year's Day Activities unknown.
Friday: No work. Follow Up Dr Appt in the AM and Therapy in the PM. Both much needed at this point. Probably more the therapy than the doctor's appointment considering my current mental state. If I haven't seen The Hobbit by Friday, I will have to go after therapy.

With all of the issues I am facing right now, I really don't feel like dealing with anyone's petty BS. I just can't do it, so at this point if you aren't a family member or a very close friend and you try to start drama in my life I will cut you off faster than you can blink. If you are a family member or close friend and you try to start drama in my life, I will probably tell you off with some brutal honesty. Fair warning.

Lately a couple of friends have been absolutely my life line. When I am not dealing well, they send me something sarcastic to make me laugh, or something sweet and comforting. I am incredibly grateful for them. More than they will possibly ever know.

My heart, soul, body, and mind is bruised beyond all reason. I need sleep and some self care time. Not like cut my nails and whatnot self care, but time to take care of some of my inner issues, reflect, and do some relaxing, although I could really use both a pedicure and a haircut as well.

There are some people I have to deal with in my life that I would rather never have to deal with, but sometimes you just have to play nicely with the rabid monkeys. Even when you would rather lock them all up in a cage and let them do each other in. *sighs* I know this is rambling and not all that coherent, but it is definitely a reflection of my inner state.