Pain in the left buttcheek.

No, this is not a medical condition. But it is a great saying if you need to express frustration without resorting to obscenities.

Normally, I am not prone to panic attacks, have only ever had them a few times before and that was usually when facing severe emotional distress. For the past few weeks I have been having one or more a day. Seriously, the whole can't breathe, can't function, messy, the world is ending panic attacks. I will admit, I am under a fair bit of stress, but nothing even remotely worthy of the panic attacks I have been having.

It is getting old fast.

It is also not good for me regulating my blood sugar. Stress and panic attacks cause your blood sugar to rise, it is just how it works. So all of my hard work and sacrifice (yes, not eating gummy bears is a sacrifice for me, okay?) is being counteracted by the panic attacks that I can't even rationalize having. For example, one of my most vivid remembrances of having a panic attack before recently was when my grandmother died and I had no clue what on earth I was going to do.

Yesterday was my first day where I didn't have one. I am taking this as a good sign. It is very probable that they were/are being caused by the new meds and are just another messy side effect that will diminish as my body gets used to the changes. I have given the whole situation a deadline though, if I haven't seen a remarkable improvement in one more week, or if the situation gets any worse, I am contacting the doctor. I have various physical side effects that seem to be improving every day, so I am willing to give this one more week before I have to bug him.

I have yet another doctor's appointment tomorrow, this time with the vision specialist who is going to check out some problems my optometrist mentioned seeing when I went to get my glasses. Hint, if you don't want to address an issue, don't admit to having said issue when asked by your doctor, unless your doctor is lame. Even if he can't and won't force you into dealing with it, you'll somehow get convinced that it is a good idea. :/

Then I am uninsured until I can get new insurance. It has been decided that I can probably wait until I can get healthcare through the Affordable Care Act, and don't need to have immediate coverage, which will save me some money, this is a good thing.

I have Jury Duty next week. I really hope they don't call me in, because it will mean a day I can't work... oh wait it is only Wednesday and I have already hit overtime? Maybe missing a day or so for jury duty won't be too terrible.

Work is going okay overall, I am getting better but am still frustrated at my speed. A couple of coworkers have mentioned that they think I am doing pretty well for the situation although I know I have been an absolute beast mood wise. Sorry guys! Thanks for all the support and encouragement! (not that I think any of them are reading this, but I am throwing out to the universe) I think I may need to bring in some treats soon.

Speaking of treats, I made really bad dietary decisions last night. I set some guidelines, and stuck to them but still had way too many carbs. But, I think it will be okay. When I talked to the nutritionist, we discussed how most people should look for an 80/20 ratio of good decisions to bad in their diets. Because I am trying to undo years of bad eating I am looking for a 90-95% good decisions lifestyle, so one meal of bad choices won't kill me, as long as they don't become habitual. I ate Taco Bell because it was what I really wanted, and I had both a cheesy gordita crunch and a regular soda (the carb count was almost double the high end goal for a meal, but it was delicious.) Exercise and water occurred afterwards, although I should have put in more effort towards the exercise, it was halfhearted at best. I did find out that if I really want the gordita crunch I can have one as my meal, it isn’t the best choice in the world, but can be fit into my carb controlled diet. but need to not have the soda, it was the main culprit in the high carb count.

I need to undecorate the Halloween from my house and do laundry and get groceries, and meal prep and pick up prescriptions and do a multitude of other things tomorrow. I know they are dilating my eyes at a bare minimum so I am praying for a cloudy day so that I might be able to run a few errands.

Today I am grateful for a late start time at work, because sleeping in is amazing when you've had to be up at five or earlier for several days in a row.

I hope everyone out in readerland has an enjoyable day.