Well, that was short lived

My good fortune with avoiding a panic attack yesterday totally bit me in the butt today. I had the worst panic attack I have had yet, and rational Stacey knows that it was triggered by something stupid, but it felt catastrophic at the time. I knew when I was about halfway to work that there was no way I was going to be able to function well enough to work. I called out for the first time since I started working for the post office. AND I hope to never have to do it again. I also knew intuitively that if the panic attack pills didn't work, that I would be heading to the local urgent care, (My personal back up plan until insured again, they only charge 90 bucks if you aren't insured) Thankfully, I had the pills which helped immensely. I took the pill, let someone know what had happened and that I was going to bed.

When I woke up, I felt better, but also knew that I needed to get this ish under control. I work even when I feel like absolute crap (unless vomiting, then they let you go home) and I did not appreciate giving up the hours. I contacted the phone number that my doctor gave me for mental health services (remember we decided an approach using both medication and counseling was the best bet for this) but they could only give me referrals to two community groups because I am uninsured. While I am sure that these groups are lovely, they are run by local Catholic churches. I love the Catholics I know. Some of my favorite people are Catholic. And I still have the phone numbers in case they come in handy. But didn't know if I would be able to overcome my issues with Catholicism enough to use these resources to the fullest. (Incredibly long story short, one of the homes I lived in at one time was run by a Catholic woman who made my life a living hell, and lets just say that I still have issues 25+ years later)

But another resource that I discussed with both my doctor and my boss, is the Employee Assistance Program provided by the USPS. My doc was shocked that they provide this really awesome program as a resource when so many other things they provide are shoddy at best (ie, my stupid insurance that pays for almost nothing) I told him that they provide it because postal workers tend to kill themselves, and sadly I was only halfway joking. He was surprised by that and I explained that it is in some ways a more stressful job than you would imagine and that if you are under a bad manager it can make life hell. Thankfully it is a resource they do provide and I am signed up to go talk to a counselor and I don't have to pay for the first few visits at least. By the time I run out of company provided sessions, my new insurance should have kicked in.

Speaking of new insurance, I enrolled in and paid for it today. It looks like it is going to be a lot cheaper than I thought, and hopefully it stays cheaper, because I need cheaper at this point. It looks like I got good coverage and found the only insurance I have been able to find that covers both my doctor and the local hospitals. It also covers prescriptions, has a way lower copay for both regular doctor visits and specialists, it won't cause me to be unable to pay rent if I do have to go to the hospital, covers chiropractic care 10x a year, mental health visits and provides a discount on gym memberships. I think I got good insurance. I hope. AND it starts in 2 weeks, not six.

This in and of itself just reduced my stress levels immensely. I actually can feel a weight lifting off of me. Now if I can avoid anymore income sucking panic attacks I will be good to go.

So far today I have eaten: Standard breakfast (I made myself eat it in the middle of the panic attack) I had a broccoli stuffed chicken breast and greens beans for lunch, and I have snacked on a clementine. I am making my famous chicken tortilla soup for dinner as soon as I go buy a thing of chili powder.

I hope to have either a most triumphant or at the least a mundane post for tomorrow.