So, after being in a ridiculous amount of pain Sunday evening, I made an appointment to see the doctor today. This was a rough visit for a myriad of reasons, but it left me feeling hopeful. The visit started out with me discovering that I am halfway to my first weight-loss goal. 16 more pounds and I am no longer obese.
During my relatively short visit with my physician, I both swore ("I said THE word, the big one, the queen mother of dirty words, The F, dash, dash, dash word!" name that movie) and broke down into a crying mess, and almost had a full blown panic attack, which was good because it led to uncomfortable discussions that are going to be helpful in the long run. First of all, let me say that while I am a firm believer in being honest, when it comes to your doctor you should be no holds barred honest. If
you have a good doctor, whom you trust, there should be no need to edit
for delicacy. I have a guy doctor, and we've discussed everything from
unpleasant digestive issues (I hate discussing these things), to the state of my boobs and ovaries (I've got them and they have issues or potential issues), to my
recent crazyness and a myriad of other things that I am not sharing with the internet.
He had gotten my message from the week before but had wanted to call me rather than email, but had then gotten sick himself before he had a chance to do so. So he was glad to see me in the office, although unhappy that I had felt so crummy that I needed to come in.
First off, horrifying back pain that I have been dealing with for days? Kidney Stone. We were operating under the assumption that was cause when I left the office, but since have gotten confirmation that my urinalysis shows strong signs that that was the problem. No wonder I was in so much freaking pain. Thankfully it has either passed or broken up because for the most part, the pain is gone. We have a plan in place for any repeat occurrences, especially if they happen before I can get insurance.
We got me set up with a blood glucose monitor so that I can check my blood sugars. He is not telling me that I have to, but agrees with me that having the ability to check myself will help me feel more in control of the situation. I did manage to get my machine set up and do my first test by myself today. I had to stick myself twice, which was not the vision, but I am sure I will get used to the system shortly. I was a little dismayed to see a pink machine on the outside of the box, but thankfully it is red. I don't hate pink, but this was a really ugly pink.
Panic attacks? I now have some pills to take when they occur. I can take up to two per day, but hopefully as another pill kicks in, they will become unnecessary.
The other pill? An anti-depressant. I know. I didn't want to take it either, but after weighing all the scenarios with the doctor decided it is a better idea to have it. I didn't want to take something that I would have to take forever (I won't), especially because I have been diagnosed with an adaptation disorder. Basically there are so many changes going on in my life all at one time, that my body/mind isn't coping well. That is why I have been struggling with the panic attacks and depression (I don't like to talk about it much, but it is what it is) as well as some physical difficulties. I told him I originally thought this was just the "new PMS" from the birth control pills, and that I had gone from being mean and hungry to being depressed and panicky. Sadly, it doesn't look like that is the case, if I knew this was cyclical and going to end soon, it might be easier to deal with.
Sometimes, having a really good doctor sucks. After witnessing my not-so-beautiful breakdown and asking a bunch of questions, we discussed thoughts of suicide, and I had to admit that I had had them recently, although I do NOT in any way shape or form, think I would act on them. I have seen how much it hurts other people, and would never want to hurt anyone that badly. Also, I wouldn't be trying so hard to get healthy, just to throw my life away. This is one of those times you need to be honest with your doctor, even if it isn't a fun thing to discuss. Seriously, I mean this. If you are feeling out of control or even just thinking about it, let a professional know. If you don't have a doctor, there are hotlines that will get you set up with someone to talk to.
We talked about non-medicative approaches to complement my new chemical friends and I have a few numbers to contact about counseling, and I might look into a support group for newly diagnosed diabetics. I need to continue to work on my stress levels, and work on being connected to people who have known me for a long time. I worked on that last part this afternoon, giving my aunt, who I don't call enough, a call, and texting other friends who I have been trying to keep in the loop. I am having a hard time meeting more people than just co-workers and customers (I adore my peeps I already have here, but I need more local connections) if for no other reason than because I have two states at the moment, working and preparing to work (sleeping or eating or showering etc) so I haven't had as many opportunities to meet other people. I am also working on making time for me to do things I enjoy, like going to the movies, or crafting or reading, because these things are my hobbies, and being able to engage in them will help with my stress levels. Tonight, I went to go see Book of Life, which I have been looking forward to for months. It was really cute and I loved the artwork.
While wandering around Walmart, waiting for my prescriptions I got some groceries (Tortilla soup, pizza muffins, and chicken strips are all on the menu for the next few days :) )I also looked at the Christmas stuff. I picked up a nativity set (since I have been saying I need one for years) It is a kid's set, but I think it is cute. I also got some cool mercury glass looking owl ornaments.I might have to get more of the ornaments, I really like them.
Work, is going to be tough for the next month or so, but I survived it
last year, and will survive it again this year. Thems just the facts. It
is how it works for us postal peeps. ;)
Medically, I know I am in amazing hands. I trust this doctor. He consistently goes above and beyond what you would expect from your doctor and provides an amazing level of service and care.
Emotionally, I am working towards a better state. Faith, Family, and Friends are all a big part of this. I am going to work towards a healthier mental me, by taking care of me, body, mind, and soul.
Food: Standard Breakfast, Taco Salad for lunch, Mexican Hot Cocoa (I have a cheat and it ends up being 9 carbs) and a twizzler (6 for a total of 15 for snack) And the least healthy dinner I have had in a while but probably still within my carb limits, String Cheese, popcorn and a coke zero, (pushing the 45 limit, I am chalking this one up as good for the soul) (I cannot eat like this daily, but it made me feel more normal than I have in a while)
If you think about me during your day, pray for me please. I surely know that I have got a big God and that even and perhaps especially when I feel out of control, he has got things covered. I just need an extra dose of peace right now.
Read More: My Top Ten Favorite Quotes From ‘A Christmas Story’ | http://nj1015.com/my-top-ten-favorite-quotes-from-a-christmas-story/?trackback=tsmclip
Read More: My Top Ten Favorite Quotes From ‘A Christmas Story’ | http://nj1015.com/my-top-ten-favorite-quotes-from-a-christmas-story/?trackback=tsmclip
Read More: My Top Ten Favorite Quotes From ‘A Christmas Story’ | http://nj1015.com/my-top-ten-favorite-quotes-from-a-christmas-story/?trackback=tsmclip
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